Keep Your Eyes on the… Oh Tap Dancing!

Antsy that I didn’t have a next project, aside from something I need to create from the ground up, I auditioned for the baseball play “Take me Out” and for the musical “Crazy for You” to varying degrees of success.
The play is being produced by Dragon Theater, and I have been trying and dying to do a show there. At the callbacks there were about 15 other gentlemen there. The ones I auditioned with were all great. That didn’t make me nervous. The nudity in the play didn’t make me too nervous, but what I think was my kryptonite was when the director had me only read for one of the characters that only speaks Spanish.

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo……..

Damn, delicious caramel colored skin. I know some Spanish, but I cannot carry on a conversation! Curse you, terri ble high school decisions!! Why did I opt for French, when Spanish is so much more useful? I am sure longtime readers can see the pattern that I never take the easiest route. That’s what I get for being an “on a whim” person. After the reading, he actually said, “I completely believed that you were fluent in the language. That was really good.” I felt much better after he said that.
Sadly, my happy fuzzies would only be a fleeting moment. He then asked us to circle up and after doing so, he brought out a baseball. It looked like it had been well used. The dirt on it wasn’t just on the surface of the ball. It found a home in the small wrinkles of the cover and stained a majority of the surface. He began to use it as a type of hackey sack for his hands. Each time he would use the back of his hand to catch it, I could hear the hard ball knock against his knuckles. He wanted us to do the same and being the slight germaphobe that I am, I already didn’t want to play. With everyone’s hand in the center, I figured that odds are pretty good that I wouldn’t have to touch it.
Yeah, those were terrible odds to count on. I dropped the ball like 4 times and threw it wildly to, or more accurately at, someone. Ahh, then the horrible memories of high school phys ed came flooding back and all I wanted to do was to get back into my car and drive away and sing. No me gusta, my friends. Not inthe slightest.

Then, last Thursday, I got to audition for “Crazy” which was a show I didn’t really know much about. After some research, what sold me was the character motivations. I realized only after I got to the hall that I had no music, as I had spent much of my time searching for tap shoes that have long been missing thanks to a car break-in and a pilfering of my dance bag. So sans music and sans taps, I nervously walked into the hall. There was a quick round of “how do you do’s?” Sides were given and we got right into some renditions of “Happy Birthday” and then into reading. I never try to think “what can I do to be funny” because that never seems to work for me. Instead, I try to find an exaggerated way of saying a word here and/or a line there that I think may make sense in a regular conversation. It doesn’t always work out, but I lucked out. There was a lot of laughing and I left there feeling good about being able to play with the script and finding some solid moments with only a handful of minutes to see the scene.
And now we wait…
Welp, as I was writing this, I got my “thank you for auditioning” letter for the play. Not that I was expecting to get in. Just glad I didn’t chicken out of going in the first place. Feels good to move past a blockage that I had created for myself. Oh, there is still a wall there, mind you. It’s just now there is a window for me to jump through whenever I decide to open it.

With the P.E. feeling still fresh, I wish I tried to participate more in the group games. Archery and track were the only things I did more than half well. Do you think a more partipatory role in high school sports would have been beneficial? Did you have a good experience in your P.E. classes? Or were you more of a lone player like myself? Lemme know in the comments below!

Thanks for readin’!

Talk About Frozen…

frozen_fruits_1-t2 I was so excited the other day because I had the apartment to myself. I don’t know if other people work the same way, but all I can say is I need to be alone when I want to work on something. Be it a dance or memorizing a monologue.

Reason number 1: I get easily distracted. It’s true. Sometimes Perry watches some terrible tv show and when I am trying to write, I begin to mock the dialogue. Now my whole train is derailed.
Reason number 2: I usually do what the next whim tells me to do. So I could be working on a story but a song may play that makes me want to dance. From there I may want to see if I can still do the splits. So I will try. (The answer in case you are wondering is no.) But gimme 6 months. I get embarrassed though, so I can’t stay focused or truly get into it.

So I had the whole place to myself for HOURS. Freakin’ HOURS!!! I thought of all the things I would do. The writing, the dishes (I know that’s not creative, but they ain’t gonna do themselves), weird dance moves I would commit to memory so if I choreograph again I have something bizarre for dancers to figure out. I thought of the collage that I have been wanting to finish, and the track pants that I need to sew together to complete. I tell you, I have no shortage of projects begun. It’s worse than my knitting UF.O.’s (UnFinished Objects)!

I pulled out my poäng (it’s a CHAIR from Ikea. You dirty birdies!) and grabbed one of the MANY notebooks off of the shelf and started my story ideas. I came up with about 9 different ideas, but when I tried to open them up a little more or dig deeper, they were rehashes of something that someone else has already done. I don’t wanna do that. After about 15 minutes of doodling on my notebook, I realized that my desk was a mess! I couldn’t work like this. So I made the papers into nice little stacks, as opposed to actually putting them away or tossing them. But I found $5!! Score!

Then it was back to staring at the soft blue lines on the semi shiny white page. And staring.

Nothing was coming to mind. I didn’t even have the desire to get up and dance when Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out for a Hero” came on. (I have this whole 80’s dance I wanna do to it with a group of dancers) I always wanna dance or at least sing with this song. The video makes no sense BUT I adore the song. There’s nothing a good shoulder shimmy can’t make better, right Elizabeth Lawrence?

I was truly frozen. It wasn’t until the oven timer went off that I remember even having an actual thought. I was truly frozen in my chair with a notebook in hand. I don’t know exactly how long I was like that. Once that timer went off, I was startled out of my stupor and went about life. I am still unsure of why I “shut down” like that. I wasn’t asleep, at least that I know of. I recall seeing the leaves outside moving and everything. I just don’t understand.

Any suggestions on how to “thaw out” the old melon? I know conventional thought is: write anyway even if it isn’t great. The practice of writing will open up some door for you to walk through. I would love to know what other ideas you, dear reader have. Any thoughts on why the mind shuts down? Hmmm… Pondering… Pondering…

I Hate My New Favorite Song…

I am sure that by now you have heard this catchy little tune all over the radio.

Bastille’s Pompeii has facehugged itself into my soul, forcing me to ingest and feel this thing growing inside that I have tried to ignore. It has become almost like a personal anthem of mine. But as music is so subjective, I am sure the way I “love” it is not the way you, dear reader, might “hear” it. The band has explained the song as a conversation between two people of Pompeii.

I have this conflicting emotional war that occurs nightly. It mostly prevents me from sleeping. Sometimes when life is still, it rages through my brain and I get moody, to put it lightly. I struggle daily and try my best to put it on the back burner of my mind so I can keep on keeping on. But at night…

Let me explain why I have fallen in love with the song. It puts beautiful words on my inner battle. I live to do all kinds of artsy stuff but I can’t live without a roof over my head. To paint, one needs the money to buy the tools. To knit, one needs money to buy those tools. Here is the inner thought that this song has forced me to face.

Chant: Ay ay ay oh ay oh, ay ay ay oh ay, Ay ay ay oh ay oh

Actual Lyrics Inner Monologue

I was left to my own devices I spend my time trying to figure out what I can do
Many days fell away with nothing to show And at the end of the day, it is always the same

And the walls kept tumbling down And after every shift, I realize that I need to build
In the city that we love Something to fulfill this unrelenting desire
Great clouds roll over the hills But self doubt and other voices stick in my head
Bringing darkness from above One stands out though

But if you close your eyes, Every night I get crazy ideas. Some I don’t
Does it almost feel like Know if I can do, but I HAVE to try.
Nothing changed at all? When morning comes, I have shoved my idea away for
And if you close your eyes, The words “As long as you can pay rent”
Does it almost feel like So I get up and go to work
You’ve been here before? And I sometimes think “I’m here, again?”
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? But I suck it up and put on the upbeat attitude.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? I suck it up and put on the upbeat attitude

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices I get caught daydreaming and
In your pose as the dust settles around us Researching on the side and prepping

And the walls kept tumbling down But when time is not my own, and I can’t
In the city that we love Devote myself to the work I want
Great clouds roll over the hills I feel myself shut down
Bringing darkness from above I lose the willingness to play

But if you close your eyes, Even if I center myself on a “time out”
Does it almost feel like In my soul, I feel like I am stuck in this rat race
Nothing changed at all? Where those words are the only thing
And if you close your eyes, That matter during my waking moments.
Does it almost feel like That feeling of repeating myself that I despise so
You’ve been here before? Cannot be avoided
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? But I try and keep my happy attitude.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? Try and keep up my happy attitude

Oh where do we begin? How in the world do I change myself enough
The rubble or our sins? Start over or adjust my surroundings?
Oh where do we begin? Where do I begin?
The rubble or our sins? How in the world…

And the walls kept tumbling down This leads to the same cyclical mind set
In the city that we love So when I try to sleep, I get restless. I know,
Great clouds roll over the hills I know this is the only time I have to myself
Bringing darkness from above Do I sacrifice more sleep for this? Can I?

But if you close your eyes, When I do try to sleep those words are haunting me
Does it almost feel like “As long as you can pay rent”
Nothing changed at all? And I know that unless I can sit to create
And if you close your eyes, I will always have this feeling.
Does it almost feel like This familiar feeling will be a part of me
You’ve been here before? Even though I don’t want it.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? It’s hard to be so upbeat all of the time.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this? Yes, how am I?

If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

That chant at the top and at the bridge of this song feel like something old and primal. I recalls in me instinct and raw urges. All I want to do is create and when I hear it, I feel lifted and encouraged. It has prompted me to take action, I am happy to report. I look forward to what the next few weeks hold. I have my fingers crossed. I can be an optimist about this. Of that, there is no doubt.

Even Though I Rehearsed It, This Is What I Ended Up Telling Them…

love-spells5

Last night, we held our orientation for JCS! I don’t know if anyone saw, but after saying hello to everyone, I sat down and scanned the room. Just seeing all the excited and smiling faces kinda got to me.

When it came time for me to introduce myself and explain how I look at the show, I forgot almost everything I had practiced. I told the cast that “I believe the show is all about love. Why do the Apostles follow this man? What is he saying that makes them love him? Why does his legacy entice people to do the same? I always try to look for the good things and what is supposed to have happened to this man is a tragedy. So I need for all of you to find your own motivation as to why you love him so much. On the flip side of loving this figure, what is the response to his death? In our production, no one is to “blame.” Jesus is our puppet master that forces all of the events that need to happen. He does it out of love, though. That brings in the guilt. What could have been done to prevent this from happening? This is where I hope we can start a dialogue for the people. In life, we have those feelings of ‘what could we have done to have prevented this tragedy?’ It’s too often that everything we hear is negative, but if we can put more love into the world, maybe we can get that thought out there that showing love to people can help to prevent them.”

My voice was shaky and my thoughts were zipping through my head at a mile a minute and as soon as I began, I knew that what I was saying wasn’t what I had practiced. Then I told everyone they could go, even after we said that we needed to get some info from people . Ugh, I was a mess. Not a hot mess, just a mess.

My personal philosophy is to always look at and for the positive things that happen in life. From the daily news to the internet, we are constantly bombarded with negative imagery and words. Granted, there are a few small rays of light like Positive News and Daily Good.

While I got the end of my rant correct(ish), I feel like I may have confused some of the people, like my Priests, Pilate, and Herod. I had a great short chat to clarify my intent with Aaron, the actor playing Herod.

Here’s how the spiel went down in my head:

Love is the greatest motivation of all. That is my personal belief. If Jesus was sent here for the reason people claim, in the show, why does he doubt his purpose? Why do the Apostles follow this man? What is he saying that makes them love him so? Why are Mary Magdalene and Mother Mary the two main people who remain at his side even during the crucifixion? Why are the priests so threatened by him, if they call him a madman? Those are just a few of the questions that I would like to present at the moment. We’ll look further into it as the days go by and by all means bring in your questions too. It’s things like this that make me feel like JSC is really a story about love. While this show talks of some of his miracles it never really focuses on them, so in that spirit I would like to present this show to you actors while also adding in the elements of reality and reason. Going back to the purpose of Jesus, doesn’t his whole existence rest on the idea that he was sent here to die for the sins of the people? If so, is there really a person to “blame?” Could this have been prevented? If so, why didn’t they try? In our society today, don’t we look at tragedies and ask “How could this have been prevented?” Can’t we take that thought and become proactive? If we spread love through this world to all people, wouldn’t we suffer less tragedies? This brings me back to my first statement. Love is the greatest motivation of all.

So, tonight we begin to dig into the songs of the show. This is such a talented cast (I know every director says that) I absolutely cannot wait to hear them. I think I may get verklempt. I am so grateful to be on this journey with them. I hope that I honor their work with this show.

And We Begin In Three Days…

just a dream

I have always wanted to try my hand at directing. Partly for the experience, partly because it would be different, but mostly because I wanted to see if I could tell a story in a different way.

Almost exactly a year ago, I had asked the producer of “Sugar” about apprentice opportunities for directing and she said “I will put your name on our contacts list just in case something comes up.” I was totally satisfied with that and happily continued the rehearsal when they were ready for me to pop back into the scene. I had asked another company the same thing and got the same answer so it wasn’t unexpected.

Little did I know that three weeks later I would be asked to present an idea to sit IN the director’s seat of Jesus Christ Superstar. Ever since I found out it was in the season, all I thought about was auditioning to play Judas one more time. At first, I didn’t know what to say. Do I jump at the chance knowing that I have never done anything like this and have no training for it? I had a little dilemma. After taking a few days to think about it, I decided “Why not?” Sure this could mean that if this goes horribly wrong, I may never get the chance to do this again. But if it goes right…

Rehearsals are right around the corner, and to say that I am excited is an understatement. I have been thinking about the show for the last 8 months! Regardless of my nerves, I really think that this is going to be the best learning experience of my life. Not only is it a chance to try something new and in the realm of theatre, but it will allow me to strengthen skills that I can use anywhere and in any job.

Listening: I like to think that I do a pretty darn good job of listening to people. In any theatrical endeavor, collaborating with everyone is essential, and that means listening to everyone’s concerns, ideas, and criticisms.

Problem Solving: Taking all that information and making it useful or addressing why the information can’t be used.

Decision Making: I never knew how much planning and questions I would have to answer even BEFORE auditions. I am usually a “feely” kind of decider. So if something feels right or not is how I usually decide. With a project like this, I had to learn to look ahead and see if the decision would affect anything else in the show.

Time Management: Once the ball gets rolling, there isn’t much time to waste getting all the ducks in a row. I really need to be wary on how I use every minute of rehearsal time so that the actors aren’t sitting around. It’s not fair to them to make them spend their time waiting if I can help it. Also, I have to make sure that all the pieces are put together well in advance of tech week. My goal is to have the show running two weeks before tech.

I can bet that the management at the nursery will love this. It’s amazing at how many skills one can acquire and/or develop in the Arts and yet the educational system deems them less than “academics.” It’s a real damn shame.

Like I said, I never thought I would have this kind of chance this quickly, so I am nervous about this but once we get into the swing of things, I feel like it will be SUPER!!