ūüéľI’m Sane But I’m Overwhelmed…ūüé∂



Dear Gentle Reader,

As I was bounding back home to get to job #2 from an interview in Millbrae a few days ago, Alanis Morissette’s “Hand in My Pocket” showed up in the shuffle line up. I realized that this is the perfect song to describe my life. ūüėÄ

First off I have to say, I love me some Alanis! Her Jagged Little Pill ūüďÄ still gets a full spin in my car every now and again as does her Under Rug Swept. ¬†I love her phrasing and her vocabulary. ¬†C’mon “There’s an obvious attraction to the path of least resistance in your life/There’s an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence will make you try tonight” For me, it conjures up such great imagery. Yes, Ironic got her into a bit of a pickle, but I don’t care.

Now, Dear Reader, what I ‚̧ԳŹ about this song really comes into play when you actually take a look at the lyrics. She pairs a great descriptive word with nearly the exact opposite of how it should make¬†her¬†feel. Most lines have a negative first word and a positive second, but occasionally, she reverses this set up.

No one ever has good days every day, sad to say even me. However, just like those lyrics I may be broke, but I find ways to be happy. Even while I may be poor, I think it is imperative to still be kind.

Well, bad days come a-knocking every once in a while, like on my drive, as I stressed myself out¬†about whether or not going to this interview was the right move as well as the thought that I may miss my shift if traffic was not my friend during this trip. ¬†There was no guarantee that the potential offer would match what I am making now. ¬†What if it wasn’t? Now all the time and energy put into this would have been for naught. ūüėě

It turns out that traffic, Gentle Reader, was on my side so I was not going to miss any work hours. BUT! Yes, there is a but, my friends, the same struggle of getting from one place to the next on time reared its big ugly head.  Can you believe it?  What are the odds that one job would affect the next twice in one day? Not only that, take a guess as to what song popped up on the rotation, again? Yup ⇪!

Here’s the thing, though. ¬†This time I was supposed to be heading to an audition! ūüė≥ The tough part was I was working on a project that needed to be completed in one shot. ¬†I didn’t have the luxury to hold off on what wasn’t completed yet to make it to my audition. That alone began to put me in a tailspin as I worked as quickly as possible. I sent apologetic messages for my tardiness and I felt just awful. It’s bad enough that I don’t like auditions, but to walk in after they have already been there for over two hours? ¬†I felt like a heel. Thankful that I still got the chance to read, but a heel nonetheless.

The great thing, Dear Reader, is that if that gamble of an interview pays off, not only with I have just 1 job to focus on along with ALL my theatre stuff, but it frees up a crap ton of time for MORE theatre stuff!! Well, except for the audition that I was late to. ¬†I totally didn’t get that. Which is a total bummer, but I can’t have it all. (But I wants it all! ¬†I needs it!) ¬†That was a train wreck and it will never happen again. I hope.

So keep your fingers crossed for me, would ya? Let’s send out the good vibes that this interview will lead to a good enough single stream of income so that I can keep on keeping on. Even if it doesn’t happen though, just like Alanis says “everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.”

What about you, Gentle Reader? Have you ever had a song sum up your life perfectly? ¬†Whether it be a moment, a week, a month, or for your whole life so far, music is everyone’s soundtrack. What is “your” song? ¬†C’mon. You can share. ¬†We’re pals. ¬†No judgements. ¬†Let me know in the comments below. ¬†Who knows, I may not know the song and when I look it up, it may be the best thing I’ve ever heardūüĎā

Until next time, Dear Reader…

Episode “Tony”-Four!!

This episode features music from past Tony winners for “Best Musical” as well as knitting, auditions, Tony Award predictions, and other rants.
Click the image for Podcast 24!



This episode features music from past Tony winners for “Best Musical” as well as knitting, auditions, Tony Award predictions, and other rants.


Photo from CapeTownDailyPhoto.com

Has anyone ever told you to trust yourself? Or how about: Get out of your own way? ¬†I get that often. ¬†Actually much, much more than I really care to hear. ¬†While hunting for an old headshot of mine last night, I came across all of my old paper work from past theatre classes and I kept a lot of it. On nearly every critique from my teachers or more advance students, that dreaded word was in each of them: Confidence. ¬†Character believability, vocal choices, physical choices and interpretation were all very well received, but that little word has kept me from reaching the fullest of my potential. ¬†And, to be frank, I don’t know how to get over that.

The reasons that I have thought of have been fear of success or fear of failure. ¬†Of course that’s always a big issue for nearly everyone. ¬†There is also lack of a seriously studious work ethic because I have to try and balance a “normal” job somehow/somewhere in there.

But I think with the advent of shows like “American Idol,” ¬†I may have actually found the real reason.

I am amazed at the ego that some of the “hopefuls”, and I use that term very loosely, have when they come in to audition for things like SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance) or AI. I worry if maybe I have been coddled as clearly most of these people have been. ¬†You can tell that they are being told by people how good they are, when it obviously isn’t true. ¬†Most likely, it’s their parents, or friends or even well meaning teachers that are just trying to build up their confidence. ¬†Could I possibly be having that same thing done to me? ¬†I don’t know. ¬†I can tell you for a fact it isn’t my family. ¬†They always had quite the opposite reaction. But I won’t get into that. ¬†Friends are supposed to support you, but do they always tell you the truth? ¬†The really good ones do. ¬†Even if you don’t want to hear it. ¬†For the sake of breaking this down fully, let’s look at some other possibilities.

Or I can liken this to crazy people. ¬†Please forgive my use of such a politically incorrect term. ¬†The thought that I have is that crazy people don’t go around asking if they are crazy do they? ¬†It doesn’t occur to them that they are standing just outside of the “norm.” ¬† So logically, one would believe that simply by asking yourself that tiny question, you shouldn’t be crazy since you are taking the time to think about the issue. ¬†If I were just to believe that I could do everything well, would that I mean I have the talent to do it? ¬†If I stopped and thought about it, it wouldn’t make any sense. ¬†This would then make it fall into the realm of ego right? ¬†But what if I had examples of it working out in some aspects and not others? ¬†No longer is it ego, but more like the crazy man trying to figure out if he is indeed crazy. ¬†So, couldn’t that same theory hold true for my situation as well? ¬†Possibly. ¬†Let’s look at another thought.

There is also what could be the attention factor. ¬†By saying that I don’t believe in what people are saying about my performances or ideas, some people usually try to explain why they are well done or good, thus breaking down the work and adding more compliments to it and more time praising which equals more attention. ¬†And while yes, I have a lot to say (some which isn’t appropriate for this blog site) and a outgoing demeanor the occasional ego stroking could be most welcome. ¬†However, I can assure you this one isn’t the case. ¬†Well maybe by 5% it could be. ¬†Subconsciously, speaking of course.

Another reason could be trust. ¬†Now I know that this could be a real stretch, but hear me out. ¬†I know not everyone likes the same genre of music or style of singing so therefore, many people don’t agree on what sounds good. There are the singers that sing out of their nose. ¬†There are the singers that sing like they are trying to hold everything in the back of their throats. Then there are singers who have a whole other voice sound or quality that they use to sing. ¬†That one I can’t even explain but I’ll try. ¬†Now I am not going to name any names, but let’s say I know someone who talks like Kermit the Frog, but when he sings, he sings like Miss Piggy. ¬†For the sake of argument, I did exaggerate this. ¬†But the sound and quality of his voice changes in a way that, to me, makes the whole performance feel fake and just bad. ¬†So when I see things like this happen on stage especially when there are other people that I know who could have fit into the role better, then I feel I have a legit reason to distrust people. ¬†And sometimes that distrust of people plays with my head. For example, about a month ago, I went in to audition for the role of Bob in “White Christmas” and the Vocal and Orchestra Leader was Rachel Michelberg, who I worked with on “Sweet Charity” at the beginning of the year. ¬†She had never heard me sing, and after the auditions, she said how well she thought I did. ¬†Do you know what I told her? ¬†My dumb ass said, ” Really? ¬†Blech.” ¬†Then she took me to task! Whew! ¬†Her mouth fell open for a second in disbelief and she said, “I am a professional music teacher! I teach people how to sing so I know what I am talking about. ¬†When I say that you sing well, you say ‘Thank you!'” So really really embarrassed I said sorry and thank you and quickly left. ¬†I do have to say thank you, Rachel for that needed slap in the face. ¬†The thing about that exchange was that it was just like a reflex to disregard the kind words of someone else. ¬†I find it confusing, because I can take a compliment if it were about shoes or clothes or even a blog post, but when it comes to “talent” or appearance, I just can’t do it.

So in the end, I guess what it comes down to is even if you don’t believe in yourself, ACT like you do; but seriously dig deep and find out why. ¬†The roles or opportunities that you have missed out on before could be yours if you have confidence. ¬†Here are some ways that will give you a boost. ¬†Be prepared. ¬†Study your material so you know as much as you can about it. ¬†Know what your guidelines are and be sure you respect them. ¬†Dress in something that makes you feel good about yourself, not necessarily something that makes you look good. ¬†When I wear a suit I feel super constricted and uber-self conscious so you’ll hardly ever see that. ¬†Be sure that it’s not something trashy though. ¬†Don’t wanna walk into an audition in a pair of cut off shorts if it isn’t called for, right?

I think that maybe my lack of confidence comes from a little of everything, I don’t know for sure. ¬†But I figure if I point it out to myself, I will finally start working on it. ¬†Thanks for lending me an eyeball!

Do you have confidence?  What are some things that you have found that work for you?  Do any of these ideas about where the lack of confidence stems from resonate with you?  Which one?  Let me know, maybe we can help each other out of this.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Weird little audition last Saturday

I got this email on Wednesday, saying that the company, Three of a Perfect Pair, was going to have an audition for three one act Shakespearian style plays.  It was to take place on Saturday, which leaves not a lot of time to prepare.  The email said that there were a couple of characters that are my actual age range, however, I always seem to get cast as younger than my age.

In the hopes of trying something different, I decided that I would give this a go. ¬†But first I had to figure out how to look older. ¬†Since I hadn’t shaved in nearly a week, I figured…will one more day really make a difference? ¬†I also stayed up as late as possible. ¬†My original plan was to try and hold out til after the audition to sleep. ¬†I only made it until around 4 AM when I began to do that thing that kids do when they fight off sleep with the bobbing heads. ¬†I got up at 9:30 or there about, so I didn’t get a full night of sleep, but then again, I hardly ever do.

So looking like a hot mess, I get to the playwright’s house, and there are 4 other men there. ¬†Of course they are all about a foot taller than me, so I know that the romantic lead role is probably out. ¬†I decide that my best bet would be to shift gears and audition for a corrupt priest. ¬†In that particular play, the priest plots to over throw the current king in order to obtain that power for himself. ¬†In the audition side that we were given, I came to find out that this man is a really interesting part, as he identifies himself as a “devotee of debauchery”. ¬†He is a clever character that has to play allegiances to the king to manipulate him, the queen to woe her, and the church to help carry out his plan. ¬†Sounds like fun! ¬†The script was well written and did indeed feel Shakespearean but slightly less confusing.

I was surprised but the director and playwright had all the men read for every part that they needed to cast.  It was fun to see how many different ways people can interpret a scene.

The final decision about the casting will be rendered within the next week and a half. ¬†I’ll keep you posted. ¬†Although to be honest, with looking slightly younger than my age, AND the fact that I am short, I don’t think I’ll get cast based on appearances. ¬†I just hope that my reading did come off well.

Watch out now!

Hey kids! ¬†Here’s Episode 3!

The show notes are available on the Podcast page.

This one is short and bittersweet.

Thanks for taking a listen!

Be prepared, people…

In the world of theatre, nothing can sink you faster than being underprepared.

This applies to EVERYTHING! Beginning of course with auditions. ¬†I am currently in the process of moving apartments. ¬†Since we have one month of free rent, we figured let’s take the month to move, so we aren’t rushed and tired and all that jazz. ¬†In theory, it’s a loverly idea. ¬†In actuality, it’s a heck of a lot tougher than I thought. ¬†But I digress…

Even though I knew about these auditions coming up, I had failed to pull aside music to practice. ¬†Not only that, but I seemed to have misplaced the time as well. ¬†I spent most of Monday moving things so when I realized that I only had an hour to shower and “get prepared”, I knew that this wasn’t going to turn out as well as I had hoped for.

And just to add to the huge scoop of Why’d-you-bother-coming I served myself, I did add a touch of Are-you-frackin’-kidding-me. ¬†On the audition form, I didn’t write any contact information aside from my address. ¬†It was only too late, I realized that I don’t know my cell number. ¬†Um…let me rephrase that. I have gotten a new cell phone, and didn’t bother to keep my old number. ¬†I am notorious for forgetting my phone, and since I didn’t have my phone, I didn’t have my number, and as I am moving, I didn’t put the home phone on there, because when you change cities, the three digit prefix also changes, so it would have been a useless way of getting a hold of me and this is the longest run on sentence EVER!

In short, people, always be prepared.  A lesson that I learn about 7 times last night.

Audition announcement!!

West Valley Light Opera announces the audition dates for

Logo for Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

“Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”

April 3 and April 5.  Times have not been confirmed, but as soon as I know them, you will as well.

For those who don’t know, “Breaking Up…” is a comedy featuring the songs of Neil Sedaka.

The story follows two friends, Lois and Marge,  that set out for good times and romance one Labor Day weekend in a Catskills resort.   Sounds like fun!!

Oh, and this just in…Turns out there is LIMITED seating for Sweet Charity on Sunday March 14 AND Sunday March 21. ¬†Get those tickets now if you are serious about going on one of those days! ¬†Call 408-268-3777 for availability.