I Hate My New Favorite Song…

Posted: March 29, 2014 in Blog Post
Tags: , , , , ,

 

I am sure that by now you have heard this catchy little tune all over the radio.

Bastille’s Pompeii has facehugged itself into my soul, forcing me to ingest and feel this thing growing inside that I have tried to ignore.  It has become almost like a personal anthem of mine.  But as music is so subjective, I am sure the way I “love” it is not the way you, dear reader, might “hear” it.  The band has explained the song as a conversation between two people of Pompeii.

I have this conflicting emotional war that occurs nightly.  It mostly prevents me from sleeping.  Sometimes when life is still, it rages through my brain and I get moody, to put it lightly. I struggle daily and try my best to put it on the back burner of my mind so I can keep on keeping on.  But at night…

Let me explain why I have fallen in love with the song.  It puts beautiful words on my inner battle.  I live to do all kinds of artsy stuff but I can’t live without a roof over my head.  To paint, one needs the money to buy the tools.  To knit, one needs money to buy those tools.  Here is the inner thought that this song has forced me to face.

Chant: Ay ay ay oh ay oh, ay ay ay oh ay, Ay ay ay oh ay oh

Actual Lyrics                                                                      Inner Monologue

I was left to my own devices                                           I spend my time trying to figure out what I can do
Many days fell away with nothing to show               And at the end of the day, it is always the same 

And the walls kept tumbling down                              And after every shift, I realize that I need to build
In the city that we love                                                     Something to fulfill this unrelenting desire
Great clouds roll over the hills                                      But self doubt and other voices stick in my head
Bringing darkness from above                                      One stands out though

But if you close your eyes,                                               Every night I get crazy ideas.  Some I don’t
Does it almost feel like                                                    Know if I can do, but I HAVE to try.
Nothing changed at all?                                              When morning comes, I have shoved my idea away for
And if you close your eyes,                                             The words “As long as you can pay rent”
Does it almost feel like                                                    So I get up and go to work
You’ve been here before?                                                 And I sometimes think “I’m here, again?”
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?             But I suck it up and put on the upbeat attitude.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?             I suck it up and put on the upbeat attitude

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices          I get caught daydreaming and
In your pose as the dust settles around us                  Researching on the side and prepping

And the walls kept tumbling down                               But when time is not my own,  and I can’t
In the city that we love                                                     Devote myself to the work I want
Great clouds roll over the hills                                       I feel myself shut down
Bringing darkness from above                                      I lose the willingness to play

But if you close your eyes,                                                Even if I center myself on a “time out”
Does it almost feel like                                                     In my soul, I feel like I am stuck in this rat race
Nothing changed at all?                                                  Where those words are the only thing
And if you close your eyes,                                              That matter during my waking moments.
Does it almost feel like                                                     That feeling of repeating myself that I despise so
You’ve been here before?                                                  Cannot be avoided
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?              But I try and keep my happy attitude.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?              Try and keep up my happy attitude

Oh where do we begin?                                                    How in the world do I change myself enough
The rubble or our sins?                                                     Start over or adjust my surroundings?
Oh where do we begin?                                                    Where do I begin?  
The rubble or our sins?                                                     How in the world…

And the walls kept tumbling down                               This leads to the same cyclical mind set
In the city that we love                                                      So when I try to sleep, I get restless.  I know,
Great clouds roll over the hills                                        I know this is the only time I have to myself
Bringing darkness from above                                       Do I sacrifice more sleep for this?  Can I?

But if you close your eyes,                                             When I do try to sleep those words are haunting me
Does it almost feel like                                                      “As long as you can pay rent”
Nothing changed at all?                                                   And I know that unless I can sit to create
And if you close your eyes,                                                I will always have this feeling.
Does it almost feel like                                                      This familiar feeling will be a part of me
You’ve been here before?                                                  Even though I don’t want it.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?              It’s hard to be so upbeat all of the time.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?              Yes, how am I?

If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

That chant at the top and at the bridge of this song feel like something old and primal.  I recalls in me instinct and raw urges.  All I want to do is create and when I hear it, I feel lifted and encouraged.  It has prompted me to take action, I am happy to report.   I look forward to what the next few weeks hold.  I have my fingers crossed.  I can be an optimist about this.  Of that, there is no doubt.

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