🎼Every Time I See You, Oh I Try To Hide Away 🎶…

Happy New Year, Gentle Reader!

I hope your celebration was great and you are looking forward to what 2021 has to offer. 

In my last post, I mentioned that I had purposely recorded a video to help me get over this block I have about being filmed or photographed. I am by no means shy but I am cautious when I meet new people. But still, not shy. An introvert at times, but again, not shy.

As I was lying in bed this morning, I had a thought pop in my head. 

You know how your brain can do incredible things? I began to wonder why I didn’t remember things and events that happened in my life.  There are people in my family that I have no idea who they are and how they are related to me. It could be that we never met, or we only spent a few hours together and it left no impression on me. Terrible to say, I know, but could that be the case? 

If so, what about when I think about the shows I have done? Yes, I have a hard time recalling those. Part of me used to think it was because I had done so many. The thing that currently makes me doubt that idea is that I can remember a lot of the people in the casts, so why didn’t I forget them? 

Dear Reader, the thought that I had this morning was “what if I downplayed my life’s events so much that my brain filed them away in the toilet bowl of memories and flushed them away?”

You see, as odd as this is coming from me at this exact moment and off the page, I don’t like to talk about myself. It isn’t because I am shy. We’ve established that already. I just don’t think I am anything interesting or special. When I am talking to people and they ask “what I am working on?” or “what have I been up to?” I tend to offer a quick mumbled reply with not much emotion behind it.  By doing this, it alleviates their curiosity and I can quickly ask something about them to keep the “conversation” going. 

Consider this, what if this is/was a form of subconscious self talk? What if I had been telling myself, unintentionally, all those years that those shows weren’t important or significant or memorable to me?   

I can’t recall why this was something that popped in my head but now it is all that I can think about. While thinking about this, I recalled that I felt this way for a really long time, at least since elementary school. Is it a coincidence that this was when I had my first role? I began to think about school in general and up until high school, I was a really good student.  Honor roll and perfect attendance most of the time. I recall it being boring. I would finish the work quickly and talk a lot in class. This always got me in trouble.  Every day. Name on the board and at least 4 check marks after it, that was me. I wasn’t a bad kid, but I was always in trouble. It never seemed to matter that I had great grades and that my social marks were good, nothing ever seemed to matter to my parents. Finally, in high school I realized that there didn’t seem to be any reason to try so hard.  So I didn’t. 

I think maybe that’s why I feel like everything I do is not really interesting. 

We all know how powerful intention is and the power of thought.  Why couldn’t this be the reason I don’t recall as well as I would like? 


This now begs the question, Kind Reader, what will I do now? Ummm, obvious I need to come up with an experiment! But, I don’t know what it is yet. 😂😂😂

Do you have any suggestions, Gentle Reader? Any thoughts on whether you think you can accidentally force amnesia upon yourself without a traumatic experience? Let me know if you have any suggestions in the comments or if you think this isn’t even something that is possible. I’d love to know what you think. 

Until next time, Dear Reader, stay safe and alert.  See you next post and thanks for letting me bend your ear. 

P.S. Someone asked if the titles of the post are actual songs and the answer is no. They are lyrics in songs but not song titles themselves, usually.

🎼There’s Something Due Any Day…🎶

Hello Gentle Reader!!

Happy New Year! Well, close to it anyway. 😉

I recently came upon a meme or maybe it was just a few sentences in a colorful box… in any case, it inspired me to work on a project that is still causing me to quake.

I have this dislike, pretty much an irrational fear, of being on videos and pictures. If I don’t see the camera, or they are far away, then I am fine, but I freeze up with a camera all up in muh face, ya know?

This idea came to me about 2 weeks ago. It has me REALLY excited because I get to do things that I don’t think have been done yet. Here’s the thing, I always get what I think are really cool ideas, but then I freak out because they aren’t turning out as good as I would like so they get put in the “Finish Later” pile. Next thing I know, the idea is out in the world from the mind of someone else. And people like it. It’s great because it validates the idea, but I get bummed out because I didn’t finish hatching the idea into its fullest form.

I had listened to an audio book a million years ago, at least that’s what it feels like, about creativity and the life of it. It posits that an idea is a small “living” thing. It connects with someone that could bring it to life and you make an agreement to do it so it sticks with you. However, if you don’t complete your end of the agreement, it will go off and find another person that could bring it into fruition.

Well, Dear Reader, I am tired of breaking my “contracts.” The only way for me to get past that is to face my dislikes/fears and get my big ass in gear. I need to talk myself down when I start to freak out. This always seems to happen when I begin the actual “building” of the project. My process always has me write out what the whole project should be. It helps to create the game plan and I am always jazzed about this part. Next, I get the tools or equipment, and once those start to accumulate, I start the freaking out. I don’t know why… I am lying, I do know. What if people hate it? What if it doesn’t work? What if it just isn’t a good idea? Like drinking Clorox to kill the Covid-19 virus. (DON’T DO THAT BY THE WAY!!!)

So, I posted my first video on Instagram in an effort to take that first step. It was kind of rushed and I should have really warmed up my voice since I haven’t really sang like this all year. And my Covid hair is all wackadoo. Well, not too bad, it is just so unruly. I wake up in the mornings with Einstein’s crazy hair. 😂😂This was also a great way to figure out how I can set up for video auditions. It was satisfying to figure that out and to know that I have this information in my back pocket so if I need to do an audition with little prep time, I can pop this out quick and not have to think about it.

The passage that I had mentioned at the top of the post went something to the effect of: (I can’t recall the exact numbers, so that will probably be off). “In his life, Van Gogh painted thousands of works. From that, only about 100 are famous. From that, only half are masterpieces. The object should not be to create a masterpiece with every work but to create pieces that others may see regardless if they were brilliant.”

With that in mind, I will never complete anything if I try to make everything exactly like I see it in my head. (Even though that is way cooler than what the real thing becomes.) I will have to try frickin’ hard to let go of that mentality, but I am hoping that by writing about it and putting in the universe that it will be easier. 🤞for me.

To you, Kind Reader, I wish you the most amazing 2021. May you follow your passions, conquer your fears, and love with your whole heart. I thank you for allowing me to vent/rant/ramble and what not. I look forward to connecting with you all better in the coming months.

Happy New Year, you lovely people.

🎼I Wanna Be Where The People Are…🎶

Hello Gentle Reader!!

I hope you have been keeping safe and healthy. I have been hermitting (is that a verb?) {I guess since “friending” is a verb now, I don’t see how hermitting can’t be far behind thanks to quarantine.}

Turkey Day has come and gone and Christmas is right around the corner. Have any of you had a hard time finding footing this second round surge of COVID cases? I will be fine for two weeks, very nearly productive and everything, but then I hit this wall of “tireds” that seems to come from nowhere. I don’t know if it is just a shut down because I have TOO MANY choices of what I can do, or if it is another form of depression. I just lay on the couch and sleep. My head screams, get up and get going, but my body just wants to be still. The cold is not really an issue for me, so it isn’t because I am all warm and cuddly as I am vegging out. As I write this, I have all the windows wide open welcoming in the crisp cool breeze that is softly circulating through the apartment. There was even a handful of times that I had inspiration to write, but then I found myself on the couch surfing TV but not really watching anything.

I marvel at the battle that was within.

I am fascinated that my very nature of not wanting to waste time doing nothing gets defeated by this “something” that I don’t even comprehend. I am sure I have mentioned that I can’t binge stuff because I feel like I am wasting time. After two, MAYBE three episodes, I have to get up and do something, anything. Yet, I wasn’t “seeing” things on TV and I wasn’t feeling anything other than lack of feeling. The amount of apathy that I had while on my own was astounding.

Dear Reader, it makes me wonder what is going to happen when the world finally returns to something similar to what we used to know. Will I want to get back out and do the activities that I used to enjoy? Will I want to go out and have drinks? Will I want to spend any more time outside that I absolutely need to? All of these questions make me REALLY apprehensive of the big question that looms in my brain… Will I want to audition anymore?

Honestly, I don’t even know.

The future is full of unknowns. That is really scary.

It is also full of potential. That really gives me hope.

“I wanna be where the people are. I wanna see, see them dancing.”

I wanna be dancing too! One thing I never give up on is love. I honestly believe that when there is nothing, we fight for love. Not just physical love, but any kind of love/passion, and as we head into a new year, with a NEW PRESIDENT!!!! YAY!!!!, and the potential for two vaccines, I have hope. My fingers are crossed, Kind Reader, that with hope comes that drive that I had before my world got lonely.

Until next time… Please stay safe, Sweet Reader. I am wishing all the best to you and your families along with the happiest of holiday wishes just in case I hit that wall again and don’t make it back on until 2021. I send love and positivity to you all.

5 Things I Missed This Halloween…

Hello Dear Reader!

I hope you had a lovely end to October. Here in the Bay Area, we finally began to feel Fall-like weather. We had some blustery winds and cooler temps which was so nice. Speaking of nice, did you catch that gorgeous Blue Moon on Saturday night? It was stunning! 😍

And totally fitting since Halloween was on Saturday. My favorite holiday was really a bummer this year. Thanks to La ‘Rona, it was nothing like any of the other years. This made me sad at all the things that I didn’t get to enjoy. Let’s see if you missed these too…

5. Release of new scary movies to enjoy in the cinemas – Watching a scary movie in a room full of people with a great sound system is something that I love to do regardless of what time of year it is. Usually there is a slew of scary movies that get released in the months leading up to October. Just not this year. However, I am REALLY looking forward to the new Halloween sequel “Halloween Kills” that is coming next year. I cannot wait!😃😃😃

4. Halloween Parties! – My friends Matt and Jenn would have a super fun Halloween party every year with trophies and everything for costume contest fun. The beverage options are also aplenty! Getting to spend some time with theatre friends is always a blast! The last couple of years, I have attended Big Moves – A Taste for Dance which celebrates that dance is for every body and it is a family affair. There are singers and a costume contest and a chocolate tasting as well as several dance performances. It is such a positive vibe. Somewhere in October, I am pretty sure there was a Club Satori goth night that happens too, so I can get my boogie on! 😂

3. Little kids in costume – I love seeing all the mini versions of superheroes or ghouls and vampires and little witches. The adorableness of these tiny outfits just make me smile. Hearing them scream and laugh as they trick or treat is just a really heartwarming thing for me.

2. Haunted Houses!!! – I love a haunted house. I am terrified and tense the whole time, but I LOVE it!!! It wasn’t until we had gone to the Universal Horror Haunt that I began to appreciate the work that goes into it. From the people that are the characters to the make up artists to the house design, there is a TON of creativity that goes into each house. I feel bad for not really appreciating it before. I was just going in for the purely selfish reason of being scared. LOL!😂😂

  1. Disney Halloween!!!! I was so excited for this year because at the end of March we were supposed to go for our anniversary, but the pandemic halted those plans. Then we wanted to go to the Halloween events this year, but as you can see, we are still not able to go to the parks. As sad as it is Gentle Reader, it is better to be safe than sorry, so I totally get it.

Well, those are the 5 things that I missed for this year’s Halloween. While we did get the awesome Blue Moon, Halloween just wasn’t the same. Do you like Halloween? What are some of the things you missed this year so far? Doesn’t even have to be Halloween specific. I also missed going out to celebrate my birthday, but that was several months ago.

Stay safe and alert, Kind Reader! Be sure to spread kindness and don’t forget to vote! The time is now!👍

Until next time, have a wonderful day and I am sending all the love to you wherever you are! ❤️❤️

🎼10 Music Acts 🎤 That I Want A Broadway Musical From 🎭… Bonus Footage…

Hello Gentle Reader,

I am really pleased with the end result of my last series of posts. I have been asked about other artists that I love and why I skipped them or didn’t have so and so on the list. There were a few people that were initially on the list, but I wanted to narrow it down to just 10 because I am sure I could easily have made the list of 25 Music Acts…

So, in light of the questions, I wanted to add some answers to the people that should have been on the list but didn’t make my official list. Let’s go!

*Florence + The Machine – Once I finished focusing on the acts, I had to go through and see who would I like to see on Broadway in the 2021/22 season. This band was number 13. While I love how Florence Welch’s voice brings their songs to life, I think their songwriting style is totally suitable to musical theatre. If I were working on a project that was a modern historical fiction (60’s – 00’s), they would be the first people that I would run to. 

*Lady Gaga – Like Panic!, I feel like it may only be a matter of time before this actually happens so she was number 15. What I would love to see and I think could be magical is for her to write the music for a fantastical fairy tale or tech heavy sci-fi story. But the fairy tale would be my first choice. 

*Janelle Monae – She was number 11! If there is anyone I want to see a tech heavy sci-fi musical from it is her! She has such a unique sensibility and I think her use of organic and electronic music would give her an edge on this style.

*Beyonce’ – I didn’t have her on the list because with her “Black Is King” on Disney+, it is only a matter of time before Disney puts her show on Broadway. Official prediction: I am guessing 2024/25 season possibly sooner. Let’s see how that prediction holds up.

*Madonna – I love Madge. I really do even now. Were she in her Ray Of Light mindset or earlier, I would love to see her create some sort of underdog story with a strong female lead. At this time, I am not sure what she would make. I still enjoy her albums, but not in a storyteller kind of way. More like a I just want to dance or have some fun. I like the idea of the Madame X persona, but I feel like it lacks a focus because it is SO broad.

*Depeche Mode – They ended up being my number 12. I love these guys. Their sound has evolved and continues to mature. I feel like a blue collar story with some sort of big secret would best suit their sound.

*John Mellencamp – You know what I would LOVE to hear from him? I would love a growing up story about Jack and Dianne. What happened to them? Did they have a family and grow old together? Did he develop a substance abuse problem and it was up to her to keep the family together? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!

*Shakira – Since her sound has a lot of world music influence, I feel like she would be the perfect person to add to a team working on a battle of the bands kind of musical. Her song stylings are quite diverse and with her experience, I think it could make for an amazing piece of art.

Well, Dear Reader, this is the group that didn’t make the list. Not for any reason other than there are just too many people to make top 10. Did I miss your favorite? Who was it? Let me know what act you would like to see.

Oh, I think it is great to mention, Lovely Reader Dana emailed me with the suggestion of The Decemberists making a musical based on their rock opera styled album Hazards of Love. I think that is a friggin’ brilliant idea and I am super bummed that I didn’t catch that! LOL. But that’s why we have a community, right? Great call, Dana!!!

Okay, Kind Reader, it is time to get back to the day’s tasks. Let me know in the comments if you agree with Fellow Reader Dana or to let me know who your favorites are.

Until next time, stay safe and alert and make sure you check in with your loved ones! Sending you love ❤️and light🕯!