Even Though I Rehearsed It, This Is What I Ended Up Telling Them…


Last night, we held our orientation for JCS! I don’t know if anyone saw, but after saying hello to everyone, I sat down and scanned the room.  Just seeing all the excited and smiling faces kinda got to me.

When it came time for me to introduce myself and explain how I look at the show, I forgot almost everything I had practiced. I told the cast that “I believe the show is all about love.  Why do the Apostles follow this man? What is he saying that makes them love him?  Why does his legacy entice people to do the same?  I always try to look for the good things and what is supposed to have happened to this man is a tragedy.  So I need for all of you to find your own motivation as to why you love him so much.  On the flip side of loving this figure, what is the response to his death? In our production, no one is to “blame.” Jesus is our puppet master that forces all of the events that need to happen.  He does it out of love, though.  That brings in the guilt.  What could have been done to prevent this from happening?  This is where I hope we can start a dialogue for the people.  In life, we have those feelings of ‘what could we have done to have prevented this tragedy?’  It’s too often that everything we hear is negative, but if we can put more love into the world, maybe we can get that thought out there that showing love to people can help to prevent them.”

My voice was shaky and my thoughts were zipping through my head at a mile a minute and as soon as I began, I knew that what I was saying wasn’t what I had practiced. Then I told everyone they could go, even after we said that we needed to get some info from people .  Ugh, I was a mess.  Not a hot mess, just a mess.

My personal philosophy is to always look at and for the positive things that happen in life. From the daily news to the internet, we are constantly bombarded with negative imagery and words.  Granted, there are a few small rays of light like Positive News and Daily Good.

While I got the end of my rant correct(ish), I feel like I may have confused some of the people, like my Priests, Pilate, and Herod.  I had a great short chat to clarify my intent with Aaron, the actor playing Herod.

Here’s how the spiel went down in my head:

Love is the greatest motivation of all.  That is my personal belief.  If Jesus was sent here for the reason people claim, in the show, why does he doubt his purpose?  Why do the Apostles follow this man?  What is he saying that makes them love him so? Why are Mary Magdalene and Mother Mary the two main people who remain at his side even during the crucifixion?  Why are the priests so threatened by him, if they call him a madman?  Those are just a few of the questions that I would like to present at the moment.  We’ll look further into it as the days go by and by all means bring in your questions too.  It’s things like this that make me feel like JSC is really a story about love.  While this show talks of some of his miracles it never really focuses on them, so in that spirit I would like to present this show to you actors while also adding in the elements of reality and reason.  Going back to the purpose of Jesus, doesn’t his whole existence rest on the idea that he was sent here to die for the sins of the people?  If so, is there really a person to “blame?”  Could this have been prevented? If so, why didn’t they try? In our society today, don’t we look at tragedies and ask “How could this have been prevented?” Can’t we take that thought and become proactive? If we spread love through this world to all people, wouldn’t we suffer less tragedies? This brings me back to my first statement.  Love is the greatest motivation of all.

So, tonight we begin to dig into the songs of the show.  This is such a talented cast (I know every director says that)  I absolutely cannot wait to hear them.  I think I may get verklempt.  I am so grateful to be on this journey with them.  I hope that I honor their work with this show.

Through the Hardest Parts… {edited}

Are still to come.

The original title I had for this post was called “One More To Go…” I had begun writing the night after our penultimate performance of Zombie Prom.   It had a multitude of meanings that were well suited for it at the time.  Unfortunately, it got very late and I couldn’t stay awake anymore, so I planned to pick up again in the morning and posting it before the show.  As it turns out, I woke up 10 minutes before our call time (the time the actors have to be at the theatre to get ready and what not) and the post went into the draft pile.

Photo courtesy of Samantha Stidham.
Photo courtesy of Samantha Stidham.

I said “See ya soon!” to the Sunnyvale Theatre after 5 months, and I looked forward to the shift of taking on Christmas Mouse.  There is no dancing.  There is the tiniest bit of singing. I thought a nice calm small role would be the perfect way to finish out this last month of the year. Now, with only one more performance left, I find myself already saddened by the thought that I can’t audition for a few months and there are all these great shows happening the same time I am working on JCS.


I know it sounds completely selfish, but I finally feel like I have some traction under me; and if I stop for any longer than a few weeks, I will have lost all the momentum I have built. I am sure that this new adventure is going to be as incredible as I hope it will. I have an insanely talented cast, truly. The trouble is they have an insane director.

I will begin creating the dances on Monday and reread and organize all the notes I have made for the last 8 months into something more useful. So much to do still, and rehearsals begin in 3 weeks.

Sometimes I don’t know whether to dance with excitement or pull my hair from panic. I suppose I could always make it a modern piece and dance freneticaly and pause during quiet moments to alternately cackle or tear at my hair. Hmmmm… now to just figure out the right choice of song…

So, it is with this mindset that I will end my 2013. I will be sure to laugh and play in between the crazy times to keep my sense of fun, but deep down I shall always be thinking about what I can or need to do next. That makes this the hardest part. To not be completely immersed in the moments of my life while it is happening always makes me just the slightest bit sad. Even so, this is my passion. I enjoy the challenge and I do not regret wanting to do the best that I possibly can for it and for those I am lucky enough to work with.

So until next time, friends…
Thanks for reading the ramblings!