🎧🎶”I Get So Emotional…🎶

… Every time I think of you!!”

Hello Gentle Reader!

Do you ever find yourself excited to work on a project but when the time comes to begin you find that you can’t bring yourself to start? 😱 That is the headspace I am in as the middle of the first month of the new year passes by. 📆

This particular project was one that seems pretty ambitious to me and I have only the slightest idea on where to begin this new challenge.😜 (I am keeping this vague because I have plans to post about the actual project next time.)

In truth Dear Reader, I got lost in the vastness of the extra time that I now have since I am currently not working on any projects. ⏰ My intention was to enroll into classes at the beginning of the year and then toward summer start working on ideas that I have in some notebooks of mine. I figured getting into a learning mindset first would bring some new creative ideas. 👍 I am so angry with myself because I spaced out on the enrollment deadline and sadly am in NO class. 👎Well, no acting class anyway.

I did begin lessons with a new vocal coach, 🎤 so all is not completely lost! I like this guy.  He is totally honest and keeps me working hard.  He doesn’t let mistakes slide and I really appreciate that. I have had coaches who just focus on praising, which is nice, but I find that I am not learning in that type of environment.  I know I can improve on something, but I was never told that I was doing anything wrong.  I had a hard time believing that and comprehending how that could be possible when I knew that I needed help with breath control, not sliding into notes and a slew of other things. It seemed that the only thing we were going to work on was how to sing the next song. That was cool and everything, but I needed my money to give me a bigger return than that. Now, it has been a number of years since then and the time has come to upgrade those skills and since I can articulate myself better I know what to ask for in a teacher.  At least this is one part of the plan that is working out.😄

Since I have so much free time, I figured that I would work on one of the projects that I wanted to take the year to get done. To keep me focused, I have currently told myself that  by the end of February, I will have a version of it complete.

So today, I sat down and got everything ready, but decided I needed to get my laundry done instead.  I guess the project just seems too daunting.  This task isn’t in my wheel house. There is so much to tackle  that I have no idea where I want to begin! So while the excitement is there, so too is the apprehension and fear that it won’t be what I thought I wanted as the outcome. And the curiosity that is everywhere because this will touch on so many topics.

I know in my gut that I need to begin but all of these feelings just give me pause and I know that I will sort through them but will I do it in enough time to complete this part of the project by the end of February? Cue the anxiety! Now time is a factor and it brings a whole new layer to put on top of this emotional cake.

But do you know what, Kind Reader? 💡Because of all these uncomfortable emotions, I know this is the right next step for me. In the end, that gives me enough calmness to take a deep breath and step up to the material I have set up already.  Oh, and coincidentally the laundry is almost done too. 😃

Do you panic when you step out of your comfort zone? How do you know the thing that takes you out of your zone is the right thing for you to do? Let me know in the comments below. Now, Gentle Reader, if you will excuse me, I am gonna have a slice of that cake!🍰

Until next time…


Talk About Frozen…

frozen_fruits_1-t2I was so excited the other day because I had the apartment to myself.  I don’t know if other people work the same way, but all I can say is I need to be alone when I want to work on something.  Be it a dance or memorizing a monologue.

  • Reason number 1:  I get easily distracted.  It’s true.  Sometimes Perry watches some terrible tv show and when I am trying to write, I begin to mock the dialogue.  Now my whole train is derailed.
  • Reason number 2:  I usually do what the next whim tells me to do.  So I could be working on a story but a song may play that makes me want to dance.  From there I may want to see if I can still do the splits.  So I will try.  (The answer in case you are wondering is no.) But gimme 6 months.  I get embarrassed though, so I can’t stay focused or truly get into it.

So I had the whole place to myself for HOURS. Freakin’ HOURS!!!  I thought of all the things I would do.  The writing, the dishes (I know that’s not creative, but they ain’t gonna do themselves), weird dance moves I would commit to memory so if I choreograph again I have something bizarre for dancers to figure out.  I thought of the collage that I have been wanting to finish, and the track pants that I need to sew together to complete.  I tell you, I have no shortage of projects begun.  It’s worse than my knitting UF.O.’s (UnFinished Objects)!

I pulled out my poäng (it’s a CHAIR from Ikea. You dirty birdies!) and grabbed one of the MANY notebooks off of the shelf and started my story ideas.  I came up with about 9 different ideas, but when I tried to open them up a little more or dig deeper, they were rehashes of something that someone else has already done.  I don’t wanna do that.  After about 15 minutes of doodling on my notebook, I realized that my desk was a mess! I couldn’t work like this.  So I made the papers into nice little stacks, as opposed to actually putting them away or tossing them.  But I found $5!!  Score!

Then it was back to staring at the soft blue lines on the semi shiny white page.  And staring.

Nothing was coming to mind.  I didn’t even have the desire to get up and dance when Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out for a Hero” came on.  (I have this whole 80’s dance I wanna do to it with a group of dancers)  I always wanna dance or at least sing with this song.   The video makes no sense BUT I adore the song.  There’s nothing a good shoulder shimmy can’t make better, right Elizabeth Lawrence?

I was truly frozen.  It wasn’t until the oven timer went off that I remember even having an actual thought.  I was truly frozen in my chair with a notebook in hand.  I don’t know exactly how long I was like that.  Once that timer went off, I was startled out of my stupor and went about life.   I am still unsure of why I “shut down” like that.  I wasn’t asleep, at least that I know of.  I recall seeing the leaves outside moving and everything.  I just don’t understand.

Any suggestions on how to “thaw out” the old melon?  I know conventional thought is: write anyway even if it isn’t great.  The practice of writing will open up some door for you to walk through.  I would love to know what other ideas you, dear reader have.  Any thoughts on why the mind shuts down? Hmmm… Pondering… Pondering…