I was so excited the other day because I had the apartment to myself. I don’t know if other people work the same way, but all I can say is I need to be alone when I want to work on something. Be it a dance or memorizing a monologue.
- Reason number 1: I get easily distracted. It’s true. Sometimes Perry watches some terrible tv show and when I am trying to write, I begin to mock the dialogue. Now my whole train is derailed.
- Reason number 2: I usually do what the next whim tells me to do. So I could be working on a story but a song may play that makes me want to dance. From there I may want to see if I can still do the splits. So I will try. (The answer in case you are wondering is no.) But gimme 6 months. I get embarrassed though, so I can’t stay focused or truly get into it.
So I had the whole place to myself for HOURS. Freakin’ HOURS!!! I thought of all the things I would do. The writing, the dishes (I know that’s not creative, but they ain’t gonna do themselves), weird dance moves I would commit to memory so if I choreograph again I have something bizarre for dancers to figure out. I thought of the collage that I have been wanting to finish, and the track pants that I need to sew together to complete. I tell you, I have no shortage of projects begun. It’s worse than my knitting UF.O.’s (UnFinished Objects)!
I pulled out my poäng (it’s a CHAIR from Ikea. You dirty birdies!) and grabbed one of the MANY notebooks off of the shelf and started my story ideas. I came up with about 9 different ideas, but when I tried to open them up a little more or dig deeper, they were rehashes of something that someone else has already done. I don’t wanna do that. After about 15 minutes of doodling on my notebook, I realized that my desk was a mess! I couldn’t work like this. So I made the papers into nice little stacks, as opposed to actually putting them away or tossing them. But I found $5!! Score!
Then it was back to staring at the soft blue lines on the semi shiny white page. And staring.
Nothing was coming to mind. I didn’t even have the desire to get up and dance when Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out for a Hero” came on. (I have this whole 80’s dance I wanna do to it with a group of dancers) I always wanna dance or at least sing with this song. The video makes no sense BUT I adore the song. There’s nothing a good shoulder shimmy can’t make better, right Elizabeth Lawrence?
I was truly frozen. It wasn’t until the oven timer went off that I remember even having an actual thought. I was truly frozen in my chair with a notebook in hand. I don’t know exactly how long I was like that. Once that timer went off, I was startled out of my stupor and went about life. I am still unsure of why I “shut down” like that. I wasn’t asleep, at least that I know of. I recall seeing the leaves outside moving and everything. I just don’t understand.
Any suggestions on how to “thaw out” the old melon? I know conventional thought is: write anyway even if it isn’t great. The practice of writing will open up some door for you to walk through. I would love to know what other ideas you, dear reader have. Any thoughts on why the mind shuts down? Hmmm… Pondering… Pondering…
The Actorvist 