🎶We’ll fast forward to a few years later… And you’ve washed your hands clean…

whatta mess

Hello Dear Reader!!

I trust you had a wonderful week. The week and a half since my last post seems to have flown by.  My goodness, I have been deep in the weeds apparently.

I have been on a cleaning mission of the craft room. The very same room I have been doing most of my Zoom calls in from this post.

I made mention that the room was a kind of library/craft room/catch all type of room. I may or may not have given you a great image of how cluttered it was, but I don’t think I did. In any case, let me take you back to about 2 weeks ago at the end of the acting class session…

Picture it, Gentle Reader, in a decent size room, where there is really only about 4×4 feet to maneuver around as you are flinging and flailing your body around as a physical warmup and you crash into the drum set and all the stuff piled on top of it  which is behind a few yards of fabric that has been hung up with tacks in the ceiling to hide all the clutter behind it from the rest of the class, because you lost your balance after stepping on a pencil and tried not to break it. 😱 CHAOS!! That’s when 2 things happened. 1. I was so glad that I was muted from the class so they didn’t hear all of that while swinging in their own spaces, and 2. it was totally time to clean the hell outta this room!! 😜

All the work I did to clean and reorganize the rest of the apartment did not extend to this particular room. I don’t know why.  Maybe it was because I never really go in there.  Well until the Zoom calls…

So as I waited for the final “grades” of the acting class, I didn’t have anything else to do so I rolled up the ol’ proverbial sleeves and got to work cleaning the room. I found things that I had long forgotten about and things that reminded me of great times, like a Blockbuster Video membership card and hot air ballooning in Palm Springs.  I also found a folder of old school papers.  No report cards, just actual essays and old scripts. One page I did come across was a judge’s review sheet from a monologue contest. I missed a perfect score by .1. It was on the stupidest thing, too.  My introduction. Then, like now, I didn’t like to talk about myself {in person anyway!  😈 I am really only talking about me on this blog, so it doesn’t make sense, I know}, and didn’t do the best at slating (the start of the audition where you state your name and the piece you are about to present/ character you are auditioning for). Point. 👏One. 👏 UGH!!!!  Such is my life!!  The things that really stick out with me is the comments that were left. There are some shorthand spelling issues, but this is exactly what they said with that in mind:

Comments on Delivery:
Very good intro – Don’t trail off! Good Physical & Verbal!
Comments on Interpretation:
Excellent – very clear and defined! Your usage of Body & eyes is remarkable!
Comments on Impact:
Very Excellent – especially ending!

(Oh!! Also, in case you are interested, the monologue was from King Lear, character was Edgar.  If he has more than one, I can’t tell you which one it was. LOL! 😂 I came to find out a year later that the review was from John Healy. He was a pretty big deal in the Bay Area.)

Seeing this, Kind Reader, took me back to my big TBA audition a few years ago that I thought I was over. For the last few days, I have been stewing about that audition because I kept thinking of myself as Val in my own version of “Dance, Ten; Looks, Three.” (That was A Chorus Line reference. 🎭 If you haven’t heard the song it is one of my faves.  Check it out and tell me your thoughts) Granted, I didn’t change myself like she does, but the idea is there. The work is great, just not the person doing the work is how it feels and that sucks balls!  Especially now in this time where we are seeing that POC don’t have the same chances as “others.” I am starting to believe that that is what the real issue was.  They didn’t know if I could fit into their companies because they don’t really use people “like me.”

Then, I got my assessment from the teacher… A near perfect grade.  Her biggest critique? “His next step is trusting his impulses more, finding where he can release within himself/his body.”  I have always been told my instincts are excellent but I don’t think I will ever be comfortable in myself.  THAT’S WHY I ACT!!! 😳LOL!  Kidding.

At least, mostly kidding.

She also commented on the work: “…has tremendous depth.  It is a gift. He has a keen humor and sense of timing. He can trust his instincts and move beyond relying on that.”

I thought I had washed my hands clean of the TBA audition and the mental job it did on me. It turns out I still have some things to work through. So, Dear Reader, as I bag up garbage and toss it out, I shall toss out those critiques, even the good ones!  I know I can do the work.  I have had proof since ’95! LOL! All I can do now is blast some Alanis Morissette and break up with that shit. 👍

Until next time, stay safe, alert and kind, Gentle Reader.

🎼I’m Sane But I’m Overwhelmed…🎶

 

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Dear Gentle Reader,

As I was bounding back home to get to job #2 from an interview in Millbrae a few days ago, Alanis Morissette’s “Hand in My Pocket” showed up in the shuffle line up. I realized that this is the perfect song to describe my life. 😀

First off I have to say, I love me some Alanis! Her Jagged Little Pill 📀 still gets a full spin in my car every now and again as does her Under Rug Swept.  I love her phrasing and her vocabulary.  C’mon “There’s an obvious attraction to the path of least resistance in your life/There’s an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence will make you try tonight” For me, it conjures up such great imagery. Yes, Ironic got her into a bit of a pickle, but I don’t care.

Now, Dear Reader, what I ❤️ about this song really comes into play when you actually take a look at the lyrics. She pairs a great descriptive word with nearly the exact opposite of how it should make her feel. Most lines have a negative first word and a positive second, but occasionally, she reverses this set up.

No one ever has good days every day, sad to say even me. However, just like those lyrics I may be broke, but I find ways to be happy. Even while I may be poor, I think it is imperative to still be kind.

Well, bad days come a-knocking every once in a while, like on my drive, as I stressed myself out about whether or not going to this interview was the right move as well as the thought that I may miss my shift if traffic was not my friend during this trip.  There was no guarantee that the potential offer would match what I am making now.  What if it wasn’t? Now all the time and energy put into this would have been for naught. 😞

It turns out that traffic, Gentle Reader, was on my side so I was not going to miss any work hours. BUT! Yes, there is a but, my friends, the same struggle of getting from one place to the next on time reared its big ugly head.  Can you believe it?  What are the odds that one job would affect the next twice in one day? Not only that, take a guess as to what song popped up on the rotation, again? Yup ⇪!

Here’s the thing, though.  This time I was supposed to be heading to an audition! 😳 The tough part was I was working on a project that needed to be completed in one shot.  I didn’t have the luxury to hold off on what wasn’t completed yet to make it to my audition. That alone began to put me in a tailspin as I worked as quickly as possible. I sent apologetic messages for my tardiness and I felt just awful. It’s bad enough that I don’t like auditions, but to walk in after they have already been there for over two hours?  I felt like a heel. Thankful that I still got the chance to read, but a heel nonetheless.

The great thing, Dear Reader, is that if that gamble of an interview pays off, not only with I have just 1 job to focus on along with ALL my theatre stuff, but it frees up a crap ton of time for MORE theatre stuff!! Well, except for the audition that I was late to.  I totally didn’t get that. Which is a total bummer, but I can’t have it all. (But I wants it all!  I needs it!)  That was a train wreck and it will never happen again. I hope.

So keep your fingers crossed for me, would ya? Let’s send out the good vibes that this interview will lead to a good enough single stream of income so that I can keep on keeping on. Even if it doesn’t happen though, just like Alanis says “everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.”

What about you, Gentle Reader? Have you ever had a song sum up your life perfectly?  Whether it be a moment, a week, a month, or for your whole life so far, music is everyone’s soundtrack. What is “your” song?  C’mon. You can share.  We’re pals.  No judgements.  Let me know in the comments below.  Who knows, I may not know the song and when I look it up, it may be the best thing I’ve ever heard👂

Until next time, Dear Reader…