🎶It’s My Party & I’ll 😭 If I Want To…

sadfaceparty

Hello Gentle Reader,

I hope this finds you well and taking advantage of good weather if where you live is having some right now. I am not a big fan of summer, but the Bay Area has been having mostly beautiful, if a bit on the hotter side, weather. Luckily, there are beaches within an hour drive, so I can just take a mini road trip and drive along the coast if it does get too warm for my liking.

As I add another verse to the song of my life, I am saddened by the situation that keeps us all separated, yet again. In any normal circumstance, Kind Reader, I don’t really enjoy celebrating my birthday. There are exceptions, of course. Dinner with my closest friends… Cake with cast mates… but since we have been required to be apart since March, I WANT to see all my beautiful friends. I WANT to be in the midst of a joyful crowd.

I am getting Zoom-ed out. I don’t know about you, Dear Reader, but do you find you have to put more energy into Zoom compared to when you were physically in the same room with the people you are meeting? I HATE meetings, but I would love to be around people now.

At this point, I am practically begging to go back to my survival job just so I can get out of my apartment before I give Ikea and Amazon all of my money! I have spent a good chunk of money on more furniture than the little apartment can allow. I know I should have saved it for future use, but that is how bored I am. I am spending just to have something to do.

I know keeping everyone safe is the HIGHEST priority. As it should be. I just feel like there is a peak when I reach my breaking point and actually walk out on the beach like so many people are doing now, BUT I will wear a mask. I’m not an asshole.

This current project I am working on is steeped in poetry, which is not really in my wheelhouse, but I am learning. I see that most of my works when compared to my cast mates is more whimsical than theirs. I am assuming that is my optimistic and upbeat nature coming through. I find it surprising because even when I feel like I just want to scream and kick at the world and burn down injustice, inside, I just want to share happiness.

Here, Gentle Reader is a snippet of a poem I wrote called “Knitting A Hat”

Cast on 96 stitches,
breathe and count
focus on the task at hand

Join into a round, careful they aren’t twisted,
96 little links holding hands
facing one another, patient

Work knit2/purl2, in the round until length desired,
round and around the columns grow
joined together to make something good

I’ve noticed the words “hands” and “grow” are featured several times throughout and I can only wonder if that is my deepest want. To be helpful. To be of use. To encourage. While those actionable wants are right there, RIGHT THERE, I am stuck, apart from others, and the wants I have. That is where the sadness comes from, I think. I have always been one to actively do something about what I want, and currently, I am limited by something other than the usual. I have found a way to get around “the usual” but this “other” is really kicking my ass.

So, yay, another birthday, but in truth, it will be just another day of the same.

I don’t say this to be a downer. I think I am just finally accepting that there won’t be crowd celebrations anymore. People will get together, but now it will be in smaller clusters. There will be no big street fairs, no art walks or Christmas in the Parks for the year. Just more days of the same. I used to be okay being by myself and I still am. I just can now confirm that I do have a limit on it.

And it has passed.

Until next time, Kind Reader… stay safe and alert and listen & learn.

Been Having Some Dreams…

Hello Gentle Reader!!

I have been having some dreams this week that have been lingering. They aren’t bad, just creepy. One was very much like the Tremors movies. For those of you that have never seen them, they are these monsters that look like giant mutated Beetlejuice-esque sand worms. They are summoned by the vibrations that one’s movements make. The whole dream is just about me trying to stay ahead of them. The second dream had me staying at this cute TINY house that was at the bottom of some large hills (i can’t say mountains, but they were very large but not craggy, so…) and there was this crazy dark fog that descends from the hills. I felt like something bad was coming, so I hop in my car and drive away but no matter how fast I drive, those clouds are rushing toward me like a sandstorm in movies. And I know, I KNOW something bad is in there.

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My Gentle Reader, the paragraph above was the start of something that was supposed to be a post for February 8. I don’t know for what exactly, which is why I didn’t finish the post but going back and seeing this on today of all days makes me think that the Universe was trying to tell me something.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day from Social Distancing Land!!

The ol’ survival job shut down operations on last Monday, but I was able to find about 3 extra days of work for my team so we wouldn’t be financially orphaned for what I thought was only going to be about 2 weeks initially. Here we are six days later and the Bay Area is just NOW starting their “soft” lockdown of staying home for 3 more weeks. I understand the idea behind this call. I don’t like it, but I understand it.

My heart breaks for all the performances that were cancelled. All those parts that actors no longer get to play. All the storytelling the audiences don’t get to enjoy. All the work that went into productions and no one to appreciate them…

Then I began to wonder how long this could go on. Seeing how China was experiencing this since December, will it take 3 months for this whole thing to finally blow over? Thankfully, China hasn’t seen any major upticks in new cases being reported since the month began, but it isn’t over yet.

While the social distancing thing is happening, I am trying to remain collected and calm, but I keep wanting to go and do the things I would normally do when I am bored at home, like go to the gym. But those are closed. LOL!

With theatre companies canceling/postponing stuff, I don’t have any projects to prepare for yet, so I can’t find anything to make me feel like I am being productive. Yes, the knitting and crocheting help, but only for so long. Since my apartment is mostly carpeted and kinda crowded with stuff, it isn’t as fun to do Broadway routines here. But I try.

Oh Dear Reader, I hope that I will find the ideas I need to create something that will truly keep me busy without anxiety through the quarantine. In the meantime, let me know what you are doing to get through this crazy time in the comments section.

Take care of yourselves, Gentle Reader. Be alert but not anxious. Most importantly, be kind and thank those people that are still in the world offering services and goods to help us get through this.

Until next time…

Here’s to working hard…

As most of you know, I am currently out of the professional job market. Bummer, I know. But I keep myself busy with my love of theatre and all things creative. Today is World Wide Knit in Public Day, and as far as I can tell, there aren’t too many things happening in the Stitchosphere. At least not like last year when all the yarn shops were offering…something. So after a bit of research, I come to find out it’s supposed to be the second Saturday in June, but no one really did anything major in the Bay Area. AND therefore, today is NOT WWKiP Day. Thumbs down!! So, I am so sad. I was really looking forward to it.

Last year, I was in as many different places as possible. I started off at Green Planet Yarn and hung out there. Then, I hopped on public transportation and made my way to downtown San Jose to a festival that was happening in Discovery Meadows Park and knit there. Then back on the bus, each time I got the most bizarre looks from people. It was almost as though I was some sort of freak. I kept my needles clickety clacking as I walked home just for the sake of being seen by the passing cars.

So this year my pointy sticks have several unfinished projects, that will stay unfinished because at the moment, I am reaching the deadline to be off book for Shakespeare 3 Ways. I’ll pick up the reversable scarf I am making for my sister, but I’ll only do a row or two then put it back down.

Speaking of S3W, we were interviewed for a local television show called Artbeat. I totally made a mess of that! Hopefully they will edit me out. The fellow that conducts the interviews was nice, but he made me wonder, “Oh, gad. Do I come off like this?” I hope not. So I may rethink how future podcasts are done.

And, no, that is not me in the picture above.

What are you working on? Drop me a line, I’ll tell my people, and they’ll tell their people, who will tell…well you get the picture.

Cheers!

jery