Archive for January, 2018

… Every time I think of you!!”
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Hello Gentle Reader!

Do you ever find yourself excited to work on a project but when the time comes to begin you find that you can’t bring yourself to start? 😱 That is the headspace I am in as the middle of the first month of the new year passes by. 📆

This particular project was one that seems pretty ambitious to me and I have only the slightest idea on where to begin this new challenge.😜 (I am keeping this vague because I have plans to post about the actual project next time.)

In truth Dear Reader, I got lost in the vastness of the extra time that I now have since I am currently not working on any projects. ⏰ My intention was to enroll into classes at the beginning of the year and then toward summer start working on ideas that I have in some notebooks of mine. I figured getting into a learning mindset first would bring some new creative ideas. 👍 I am so angry with myself because I spaced out on the enrollment deadline and sadly am in NO class. 👎Well, no acting class anyway.

I did begin lessons with a new vocal coach, 🎤 so all is not completely lost! I like this guy.  He is totally honest and keeps me working hard.  He doesn’t let mistakes slide and I really appreciate that. I have had coaches who just focus on praising, which is nice, but I find that I am not learning in that type of environment.  I know I can improve on something, but I was never told that I was doing anything wrong.  I had a hard time believing that and comprehending how that could be possible when I knew that I needed help with breath control, not sliding into notes and a slew of other things. It seemed that the only thing we were going to work on was how to sing the next song. That was cool and everything, but I needed my money to give me a bigger return than that. Now, it has been a number of years since then and the time has come to upgrade those skills and since I can articulate myself better I know what to ask for in a teacher.  At least this is one part of the plan that is working out.😄

Since I have so much free time, I figured that I would work on one of the projects that I wanted to take the year to get done. To keep me focused, I have currently told myself that  by the end of February, I will have a version of it complete.

So today, I sat down and got everything ready, but decided I needed to get my laundry done instead.  I guess the project just seems too daunting.  This task isn’t in my wheel house. There is so much to tackle  that I have no idea where I want to begin! So while the excitement is there, so too is the apprehension and fear that it won’t be what I thought I wanted as the outcome. And the curiosity that is everywhere because this will touch on so many topics.

I know in my gut that I need to begin but all of these feelings just give me pause and I know that I will sort through them but will I do it in enough time to complete this part of the project by the end of February? Cue the anxiety! Now time is a factor and it brings a whole new layer to put on top of this emotional cake.

But do you know what, Kind Reader? 💡Because of all these uncomfortable emotions, I know this is the right next step for me. In the end, that gives me enough calmness to take a deep breath and step up to the material I have set up already.  Oh, and coincidentally the laundry is almost done too. 😃

Do you panic when you step out of your comfort zone? How do you know the thing that takes you out of your zone is the right thing for you to do? Let me know in the comments below. Now, Gentle Reader, if you will excuse me, I am gonna have a slice of that cake!🍰

Until next time…

 

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🎉 Happy New Year, Gentle Reader!

Every new year finds articles and lists of the same old cliché of “new year, new me.” Ugh!😞😴 I get it. All the resolutions and fresh starts and what not. It makes sense. It really does.  Do I really need a “new” me?

I used to fall into that same sort of pit of quicksand every year.  

2017 was different though.  

Yes, I know last year was a political poop show for America for we are now “‘Merica; Inc.🇺🇸” No longer the land of the free and home of the brave that we used to be since we are losing freedoms quicker than a tapper can shuffle off to Buffalo. But that is not what I want to talk about.😶

2017 allowed me the opportunity to check off a bucket list role that I didn’t ever think I would get to play AND one that was a little lower on my list than the top 10 but still just as incredible.  In addition to Paul (A Chorus Line)✨ and Hysterium (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum)🃏, I got to add Carl Hanratty (Catch Me if You Can) and Cheech (Bullets Over Broadway)✍ to my resume. All of which I am incredibly grateful for and proud of and it just happened that I had received pretty good reviews for.😄😄😄

Now to the point, Dear Reader, because that last paragraph sounded super braggadocios. In all four shows, I followed my tried and true methods of preparation and instinct to build my roles. That process has gotten me into some wonderful patterns and discoveries of myself and my character choices. I also was lucky enough to work two of those shows with another actor that is on her own journey of discovery. 👍

One day during rehearsals for Bullets, she told me that she was inspired by me because I live honestly and fully in my passions. 🙀I was floored.  What can you say to something like that? It is one of those moments that made me look at the way I live. I love who I am.  💖Some people may not, but I do.  So why in the world would I need a “new” me?  What I would like, however, is a better me.  One may ask, well isn’t that the same thing? No. It isn’t. A new me would imply that I don’t like enough of myself and that I want to overhaul most of what makes me me. I just want upgrades to certain things.  There are times I get too comfortable in my methods and routines that when things get a little shaken up, it turns my world wackadoo. I don’t know about you, Kind Reader, but when that happens, I stress out and worry that my whole way of prepping is going to fail. That is SO not a good mindset to be in.  It just so happened that I had that experience twice last year.  In the end, it was a wonderful learning tool for myself, but if I can get out of my “usual” I think I would be more effective and efficient for projects that have a different pattern than what I am used to. I am planning to head back into study mode for 2018. Because I want to be sure that I am learning and growing, I decided that it would be beneficial to stay off of the boards while getting my system upgrades. I want to be as open to this new information as possible.  I feel that jumping from show to show like I have done the past 6 years would divide my attention too much to accomplish my task as fully as I would like. So not new, just better. 

So forget all that new year, new me, Gentle Reader.  I am sure You are a pretty amazing person already.  👏👏 So what do you think about the “New Me” madness that media tries to shove on us? If you would like to, which one of your “files” would you like to upgrade? 

Until next time, Dear Reader…