I have this insecurity that prevents me from soberly acting the fool in front of my partner. One would think after 16 years together, I would be comfortable enough to play around in costumes and makeup in front of him while he’s home.
Instead, I turn on the music and dance and sing while I clean only when I am alone. Or – like today, I wanted to take a picture of some pants that I have been fiddling with. Then the project turned into a PRO-JECT! I got this idea that I would take pictures as this semi-crazed ringmaster and I got the backdrop all set up. I played around with lots of makeup. Next I had to figure out what the top/jacket would be. The pants are a weird grey color, so getting the right combo was tough. So I got an old jacket and made some cuts, so it’s shorter and it now has tails. But the lapels need some pizzazz.
While I was doing all this, I didn’t realize how much time had passed. I only had 20 minutes left of “by myself” time. So I hurriedly took a multitude of pictures. Either the timer was too brief or I wasn’t far enough back and all the shots are way too blurry to post.
Which brings me back to my original thought. Why can I do all this stuff by myself or on stage, but not when my partner, someone who loves me unconditionally, is home or close to being home. He’s seen me at my worst and my best. So why am I afraid to let him see me play? How much more silly will I believe he’ll think of me?
I begin to wonder how selfish I am. He is a theatre loving guy so it only stands to reason that he may even be willing to help me create this madness that I do.
As today winds to its close, my hands are starting to shake as the nerves begin to set in.
Tomorrow, I have an audition for Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson at San Jose Stage. I’ve been prepping pretty well since I got my appointment time last week, but the anxiety just doesn’t get easier. I’ve got a few new tricks to deal with it, so it isn’t as torturous as it used to be.
As I think about everything I need to do tomorrow, I am finding that is what’s building up the stress so much more than just the audition would.
I am sure I’ve mentioned how the spring time at the nursery is totally nutty. It’s going to be a feat to get out of there for a lunch break that will be timed so that my audition is right at the middle then rush back to work. I don’t think there is going to be a chance to decompress once that 40 minute break starts. I am crossing my fingers that I will just be so focused on getting everything done on time that I won’t notice the shakes that I am sure will strike as soon as I step into the room.
I mean the worst thing that could happen is that I don’t get cast in the show. While I am itching to be in a show again, I know that it just depends on what the director and casting director are looking for.
Regardless of what happens, I look forward to the experience. It will be fun to make new connections.
If you haven’t heard of BBAJ, here are some links to familiarize yourselves. I love the soundtrack. Check it out the preview on Amazon.com. Interestingly, iTunes doesn’t offer it.
Oh, and by the by, getting ready to do my first book review!! Yay!! A publisher actually allowed me to review one of their books. I am moving up in the world. hahahaha
***WARNING: Explicit Language in the clips that follow*****
I’ll admit that I haven’t always been a fan of your work on the screen, both big and small. However, I have always respected you for your humanitarian efforts and activism that brings violations and atrocities to light. Today, I watched CNN and saw the footage of you protesting for the Sudanese torture to come to an end and of you being arrested and loaded into a paddy wagon. Do they still call it a paddy wagon? While I was running and reading the closed captioning, I thought to myself, this is a man who can change the world.
As someone who wants the world to be a better place for everyone, I cannot tell you how seeing the arrest filled me with hope as you kept that smile on your face. There was a calm that seemed to say ‘it’s okay that this is happening because the world will see and maybe now do something.’ Then, in a post bail interview clip you displayed a charm and honesty that made me understand why the world loves you. Maybe now, if I watch Michael Clayton again, I may see a glimpse of that guy hiding inside your character.
What do you suggest we do as civilians? Should we write to our Congressperson? Maybe donate to your cause: Satellite Sentinel Project?
Bravo to you sir for everything that you have done on behalf of the people of the world. May this conflict in Sudan end soon.
Read all the details about his arrest and watched the clips mentioned above HERE. The link takes you to BBC News, a source I might add I trust a little more than American News Media. Thanks to the show IFC Media Project, hosted by Gideon Yago it made me really think about what the American news tells me. I highly recommend checking it out. Sadly, I can only find Season 1 and 2 on itunes. Here’s the original preview of what the show was about: IFC Media Project Promo (Originally aired in 2008.)
For those of you who forgot math class, π = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209 and more since it NEVER ends or repeats!! NEVAAAHHHH!!!!
So in honor of 3.14 day or March 14th, I would like to spend the day trying not to repeat myself and not having a single minute of unproductiveness. I may be sick/ill, but I think that I lose too much time being unfocused even when I am feeling just fine. So that is going to be my challenge for tomorrow.
I dare say, I may even bake a pie just to do it. AND I’ll mark it with a π!!
In the spirit of π Day just for the fun of it!!
Most people don’t celebrate 3.14, but I didn’t either. I just thought that this year, I wanted to do something just for kicks.
What are you going to do this π Day? Have you ever challenged yourself just for the fun of it? What did you do? Maybe you can give me an idea of what to do for next year. Leave a comment below!
Last year on March 11, we all remember seeing and hearing the horrible tragedy of the tsunami that struck Japan. While things are moving into place to bring the country back to it’s former state rather quickly, there is still a ton to do.
The video is a beautiful reminder that we all have the ability within us to lend a hand and work together. In some small ways it reaffirms my belief that if we let the best of ourselves shine, world peace can be accomplished.
However, greed and politics and power always seem to rear their ugly heads when there’s nothing dangerous and bigger than humanity to bind us together.
I just wish it didn’t always take a tragedy to bring us together.