I have this insecurity that prevents me from soberly acting the fool in front of my partner. One would think after 16 years together, I would be comfortable enough to play around in costumes and makeup in front of him while he’s home.
Instead, I turn on the music and dance and sing while I clean only when I am alone. Or – like today, I wanted to take a picture of some pants that I have been fiddling with. Then the project turned into a PRO-JECT! I got this idea that I would take pictures as this semi-crazed ringmaster and I got the backdrop all set up. I played around with lots of makeup. Next I had to figure out what the top/jacket would be. The pants are a weird grey color, so getting the right combo was tough. So I got an old jacket and made some cuts, so it’s shorter and it now has tails. But the lapels need some pizzazz.
While I was doing all this, I didn’t realize how much time had passed. I only had 20 minutes left of “by myself” time. So I hurriedly took a multitude of pictures. Either the timer was too brief or I wasn’t far enough back and all the shots are way too blurry to post.
Which brings me back to my original thought. Why can I do all this stuff by myself or on stage, but not when my partner, someone who loves me unconditionally, is home or close to being home. He’s seen me at my worst and my best. So why am I afraid to let him see me play? How much more silly will I believe he’ll think of me?
I begin to wonder how selfish I am. He is a theatre loving guy so it only stands to reason that he may even be willing to help me create this madness that I do.
Maybe next time.
Stay tuned, Podcast 23 is coming!!
The Actorvist 
I’ve often wondered this myself, you silly goose.
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