Did I grow up or just grow old?

I remember that there was a time not that long ago, that I could do a crapload of stuff in a day and still have energy to do anything else but sleep. My motto used to be “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Today, I was watching “Bridesmaids” with my munster Perry and my Bestie Notblue, and I felt a kind of sadness fall over me.  We met up after I got off of working at the nursery, and I was so excited because it’s been a while since we’ve seen a movie together due to conflicting schedules, being tired, or having other plans and what not.  Yeah, I was a little tired, but it didn’t matter much.

The movie, which is freaking hilarious, made me think back to childhood friends.  People that I had long since grown apart from. I felt that little tinge of sadness because I have no one to remember when we did this stupid thing or that crazy thing as kids.  I have a lot of friends, a ton of acquaintances, and a handful of BFF’s that I cherish, but none of them have that connection of kiddie memories.

You may wonder what happened to those people that I grew up with.  The truth of it is, I don’t know.  We moved on to our various lives, and when we would meet up, it was more like “do you remember when?” but not really creating any new memories to share.  I don’t know if it’s wrong, but I feel like friendships should be like that trusty old car that will always move you forward, even if it doesn’t look the greatest.  You can always look into the rearview mirror, but you have to keep driving on.  So, I just let them drift apart.  We’ve grown to be so different that it was as though we were different people through and through.

One of the themes in the movie is regarding growing up, maturing, becoming an adult, or whatever you want to call it.  Kristen Wiig, who is Maya Rudolph’s maid of honor and childhood friend, takes on Rose Byrne, the rich girl and new friend of the bride to be.  They argue about whether people change.  It was that argument that initially made me wonder about my lacking of childhood friends.  But then I began to think a little more about whether I grew up or just grew old and changed much in the process of doing so.   I know it’s a bit of murky thing to ask, but I feel like there is a difference between the two.

As I stated before, I could do a ton of things and have plenty of time left over to do more.  I was also the weirdly dressed kid at school.  I would take my dad’s old jackets that he never used anymore and tear out the lining.  That is of course if it was a colorful or fancy fabric.  Then I would re-sew the raggedy edges and remove the sleeves and wear them as vests.  Sometimes I would add buttons if the mood struck me, but most of the time I just left it as is.  I stitched emerald green sequins on my black backpack that read DTBD.  Everyone asked me what it meant, but I would only tell my friends.  It stood for Dare To Be Different.  They too began to write it on their books and binders.

At my current age, would I recreate something like that and wear it out without batting an eye.  Hell’s yeah.

However, I feel like I just don’t have the energy to put into making it.  I’ve been feeling the desire to get out more and accomplish things sort of dwindle, and I let it happen.  I have become content with staying in and pattering about the old homestead.  But I have to admit, I do it with a touch of resentment in my soul. Just a touch.

So therein lies the question: Does that mean I’ve grown up or just grown old?

In the movie, the adorable Melissa McCarthy confronts Wiig to face her self afflicted pity party and fight for something good for herself.  I can’t say what it was about that moment that made me look over to the seat on my left, but I heard something and I can’t describe what it was.

I am a big believer in “signs” so I am going to take that moment as a “sign.”

I guess there is my answer!!  I did not grow up and I did not grow old.  I grew complacent and I don’t think that’s enough for me.

I am ready to begin again.

Thank you for helping me talk, errr…write out this problem.

Do you believe in signs?  What’s been your experience?  I would love to hear about it.

Thanks for reading!