Did I grow up or just grow old?

I remember that there was a time not that long ago, that I could do a crapload of stuff in a day and still have energy to do anything else but sleep. My motto used to be “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Today, I was watching “Bridesmaids” with my munster Perry and my Bestie Notblue, and I felt a kind of sadness fall over me.  We met up after I got off of working at the nursery, and I was so excited because it’s been a while since we’ve seen a movie together due to conflicting schedules, being tired, or having other plans and what not.  Yeah, I was a little tired, but it didn’t matter much.

The movie, which is freaking hilarious, made me think back to childhood friends.  People that I had long since grown apart from. I felt that little tinge of sadness because I have no one to remember when we did this stupid thing or that crazy thing as kids.  I have a lot of friends, a ton of acquaintances, and a handful of BFF’s that I cherish, but none of them have that connection of kiddie memories.

You may wonder what happened to those people that I grew up with.  The truth of it is, I don’t know.  We moved on to our various lives, and when we would meet up, it was more like “do you remember when?” but not really creating any new memories to share.  I don’t know if it’s wrong, but I feel like friendships should be like that trusty old car that will always move you forward, even if it doesn’t look the greatest.  You can always look into the rearview mirror, but you have to keep driving on.  So, I just let them drift apart.  We’ve grown to be so different that it was as though we were different people through and through.

One of the themes in the movie is regarding growing up, maturing, becoming an adult, or whatever you want to call it.  Kristen Wiig, who is Maya Rudolph’s maid of honor and childhood friend, takes on Rose Byrne, the rich girl and new friend of the bride to be.  They argue about whether people change.  It was that argument that initially made me wonder about my lacking of childhood friends.  But then I began to think a little more about whether I grew up or just grew old and changed much in the process of doing so.   I know it’s a bit of murky thing to ask, but I feel like there is a difference between the two.

As I stated before, I could do a ton of things and have plenty of time left over to do more.  I was also the weirdly dressed kid at school.  I would take my dad’s old jackets that he never used anymore and tear out the lining.  That is of course if it was a colorful or fancy fabric.  Then I would re-sew the raggedy edges and remove the sleeves and wear them as vests.  Sometimes I would add buttons if the mood struck me, but most of the time I just left it as is.  I stitched emerald green sequins on my black backpack that read DTBD.  Everyone asked me what it meant, but I would only tell my friends.  It stood for Dare To Be Different.  They too began to write it on their books and binders.

At my current age, would I recreate something like that and wear it out without batting an eye.  Hell’s yeah.

However, I feel like I just don’t have the energy to put into making it.  I’ve been feeling the desire to get out more and accomplish things sort of dwindle, and I let it happen.  I have become content with staying in and pattering about the old homestead.  But I have to admit, I do it with a touch of resentment in my soul. Just a touch.

So therein lies the question: Does that mean I’ve grown up or just grown old?

In the movie, the adorable Melissa McCarthy confronts Wiig to face her self afflicted pity party and fight for something good for herself.  I can’t say what it was about that moment that made me look over to the seat on my left, but I heard something and I can’t describe what it was.

I am a big believer in “signs” so I am going to take that moment as a “sign.”

I guess there is my answer!!  I did not grow up and I did not grow old.  I grew complacent and I don’t think that’s enough for me.

I am ready to begin again.

Thank you for helping me talk, errr…write out this problem.

Do you believe in signs?  What’s been your experience?  I would love to hear about it.

Thanks for reading!

♬ Not last night, but the night before ♪

Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, I was woken up at 3:30 in the morning by a weird whirring sound and the soft purring of an idling engine.  I wasn’t sure what the hell was happening outside, but it didn’t sound “normal.”   So I lay in bed with this dilemma:  Do I dare look outside to see what is making that noise?

Hold on, what was that flash of light?  What IS going on out there?

So after a couple of deep breaths to build up my resolve, I sat up and looked around the room and scooted to over to the window and slowly slid the blind to the side.  The window was foggy and I could make out a truck that was had it’s lights out but the engine running.   The robotic whirring began again with the sporadic flashes , and at first I thought “Shit, it’s the Singularity!”  As it turns out, after I wiped some of the fog off the window and moved to a better position, I saw that it was a Comcast marked truck with a bucket lift and some dude was working on the power lines that are attached to a street light.

I had to get a better look but I still couldn’t see what he was doing. Being the paranoid fellow that I am, I began to wonder why there would be someone doing this at 3:30 in the morning.  It just didn’t make sense to me, and it still doesn’t.  So then I figure, I am going to get my camera so that way I have documented proof that this was happening and I wasn’t going mad.  But then I began to think that if I get caught taking pictures, would I come home and find my place ransacked or something.

Still, I grab my good ol’ picture snapper and sneak into the second room to try and get a better look.  So I get the pic above taken and I don’t know if the guy sees the little green light go off, but the basket starts to come down, so I try to duck behind the blinds before he sees me.  Then the basket starts to make a higher pitch noise, and I am guessing that it was moving back up so I poke my head out once more and get:

And:

What is he doing?!?

After taking these pictures, I tried to post them on Facebook to see if anyone else thought this whole thing was weird and guess what? There was no internet signal.  So I grabbed my cell and posted via mobile and the people that responded all agreed that this was highly suspicious indeed.  So I contacted Comcast via chat and:   (Yes, I used a fake name, shut up, gawd!)

DelfinYCBU: Hello Jason, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Delfin JR. Please give me one moment to review your information.

DelfinYCBU: Welcome to Comcast! I hope your day is going well. How may I help you?

Jason: I really just have a question.

DelfinYCBU: Sure Jason.

DelfinYCBU: May I know what about please ?

Jason: Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning at 3:30, I was woken up by a truck in the driveway working on one of the wires by a street light. Is this normal?

Jason: There wasn’t a power outage, and to my knowledge the internet connection was fine before I went to sleep, so I find it kind of alarming.

DelfinYCBU: I understand Jason.

DelfinYCBU: Have you checked on the truck if its familiar or a Comcast service truck ?

DelfinYCBU: I am not sure if it was ours but yes there are instances that we send out personnel on areas that could have been affected by an outage.

Jason: Yes, the truck said Comcast on the driver’s side door. It also had a bucket lift to reach the wires

DelfinYCBU: I see. Most probably there isa problem on the post wire. Could be someone or another customer in your neighborhood.

Jason: What’s a post wire?

DelfinYCBU: My apologies, I mean the wires on the street post.

Jason: Also, I don’t want to be rude, but do you know if there was a work order for that?

DelfinYCBU: My apologies Jason but I wont be able to track that here on my end. I’d advise instead to contact the Local Office to trace.

Jason: Oh, well, thank you for all your help Delfin. I appreciate it. Have a good evening.

DelfinYCBU: You are most welcome, Jason.

DelfinYCBU: I appreciate your time and patience with me too.

This little chat took a while to get through.  In my head, I can just see some poor guy halfway around the world stressing because some regular Joe is asking questions about a suspicious late night patch job.  So I guess Saturday I will have to go into our local “branch” and see if they could tell me what’s happening.

Here’s my concern: With all these big government agencies scanning all the millions and millions emails and listening in on phone conversations, thanks to the Pat Act, what if this is just another attempt at monitoring everything?  With Comcast being the huge monopoly it is in this neighborhood and many others whose to say that Comcast itself isn’t in league with Big Brother for special favors?  Comcast not only owns a large chunk of the telecommunications sector but now also Media thanks to it’s little “joint venture” with General Electric.  I will never understand how the FCC or whoever sanctioned this massive agreement.  “Special Favors” perhaps?  Maybe this will be an attempt to even further restrict our bandwidth?  There’s so many questions to ask that it makes my head spin.

Take look at your power lines.  Have you ever paid them any attention?  I think we should my friends, I think it’s high time we should.

My neck, my back…

Never think a simple thing like a bike ride doesn’t need preparation.  Just sayin’.

As I am currently a little under the weather, due to back muscle soreness, I am faced with the saddest thing that I can think of: I am not as young as I used to be.  However, as every day passes, that is true for all of us.  So when I thought about it that way, I felt a lot better about getting older.

Have you ever had muscles so sore that you just want to cry?  Or walked or ran for so long that the next few days your first steps were identical to those of a baby giraffe?  That hurts! Not only that, it hurts extra when you don’t know what exactly is hurting or why.  Oh, and why does it always seem to be worse the second day after the incident?  Ugh!  For me it was a double whammy.

On Sunday, I thought I was going to be fun and ride my bike to work.  Now, I haven’t ridden a bike in 25 years, easily.  That is, if you don’t count the 5 minutes of being on a stationary bike at the gym.  I’ve never truly owned a bike but I used to ride my friend’s bike often.  Silly me, I bought into the whole “it’s like riding a bike” mentality, and thought I would just zoom down the expressway like I do in my car.  HA!

Here I am pedaling and pedaling and feeling like I would be making the same traveling time if I were walking.  I am beginning to get a little warm even though it’s 7:45 in the morning.  I can feel the work out I am getting in my legs and I am okay with that.   What I don’t realize is that this posture and the shock that my body is absorbing from the occasional bump is taking a toll on me without my even suspecting.  I don’t know if it’s because I have bigger things to think about; such as why is my front wheel no longer aligned with my handle bars?; why has it taken me 20 minutes to get a mile and a half?; and why aren’t the gears shifting at all?

With this being my first bike ride in 20+ years, I was super tense about the trip already.  What is one of the things that happen when you are tense?  Well, when you are gripping or grabbing something, your strength is multiplied and your shoulders creep up closer to your ears. So thanks to that tenseness, I had my arms locked and instead of letting my arms bend to ease the shock, I let it all go into my shoulders.  Also, as I have yet to master the “stand up on your pedals when you hit a bump”, (Ouch!) and I let my lower back take a beating by absorbing all the road to sidewalk transitions I rode through.

So the lesson here is to be sure to stretch before you do that bit of exercise regardless of how simple you think it may be.  I failed to do so, and I have been paying for it these last two days.  Thank Alieve for getting me through work on Monday.  I felt like I was going to be sick when the pain waves hit me.

After stretching for a bit and always doing a little throughout the day things seem to be getting back to normal.  We’ll see what tomorrow holds.  Take care of yourselves my friends!

Have you forgotten to stretch before doing something that had this same result, like dancing all night at the club? Let me know.  How did you handle it?  Or maybe I am just being a big baby?  What do you think?

♫ It’s the end of the world as we know it ♪

And I feel fine!

A few weeks ago I had a dream.

I LOVE scary movies.  It doesn’t matter that I live in a constant state of fear, self induced of course.  I am drawn to them like a moth is drawn to light.  There’s something about getting scared that I find exciting.  I know, I’m a weirdo.

Anyway, I have seen SO many scary movies, and  some of them have been absolutely horrid, I’ll admit.  But I love them and I am always in search of the next good scare.  Now that you know that little tidbit of info, I shall continue with the story.

I dreamt that I was watching a movie with my favorite peeps, and it was a scary movie.  I remember very distinctly my heart racing.  Here’s the thing.  This was like nothing that I have ever seen before.  It wasn’t familiar in any way that I can recognize other than genre.  It was SO scary that I told my friends to shut off the movie.  I didn’t just say it once or twice, I kept repeating it over and over in a panic.  It was as though I was in hysterics to get them to turn off the flick.   I can’t recall any details of the movie itself, but I woke up terrified.

This incident brings me to the last two nights.  I had more dreams these last two nights.  In both dreams, I had in my hands scripts and several people who were excited about what we were looking at.  I don’t remember what the pages said, but I remember seeing the page and it had the same format as one would see when reading a script for a musical.

I don’t have any clue what this is supposed to mean, but I have a nagging feeling that my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

What is the weirdest thing you’ve dreamt about?  How did you interpret it?

If tomorrow is truly the end of the world, then I’ll be a bit disappointed that I didn’t do what I wanted to do.  I would like to take a second and thank you all for taking the time to read this little blogity blog and if it’s all over tomorrow, see you on the flip side.  On the other hand, if everything is business as usual as I am  sure it will be, it’s a good thing I’ve still got some time left.

What do you want to complete before you’re out of time?  Have you started on it yet?  Well, you better get crackin’.  If you’d like I will try and keep you motivated.  Just let me know.

FINALLY…Broadway hits TV!! Sort of…

In light of the phenomenon that Glee has become, NBC decided that it should strike back with it’s own non-reality singing TV show.

SMASH (I think the title is shite) is dramedy about what it takes to make a Broadway show.  It features some heavy hitters not only from television, but also from Broadway.  People like the amazing Debra Messing (Will and Grace), the adorable Christian Borle (Emmet from Legally Blonde), Brian d’Arcy James (Burrs from Lippa’s Wild Party as well as Shrek), the gorgeous Anjelica Huston, and Jack Davenport, who I’ve been a fan of since BBC’s Coupling!

It features American Idol’s Katherine McPhee and Megan Hilty as the two girls who are up for the role of playing the Icon Marilyn Monroe.  I haven’t watched AI truly since the very first season, but I heard a lot of things about McPhee and some of them weren’t so good, but it seems that in this role she is going to shine.  I was really impressed with the trailer and gleefully clapped my hands as I recognized the people mentioned above.

Here’s the trailer:

Here’s the downer:  This is supposed to be a midseason replacement, sooooooo there’s going to be a big wait until this actually hits the small screen.  HOWEVER, I do hope that all of you theatre buffs and Gleeks support this show with the same fervor that you reserve for watching Glee.  It’s important to show the big networks that our community should be represented on television.

Have a fabulous day!!!

Success Formula…

H [I(O + C) (F + P)] + T + K= S

Opportunities and Chances are only part of how one creates Success.

One may argue that Opportunity and Chances are one and the same.  I think they are slightly different.  The best way I can explain why I think they are different is like this: A Chance is like an audition.  You are going into this with the same likelihood of success as the next person.  So, let’s say  you now have the part.  You have to take advantage of this Opportunity to grow it into another either Chance or Opportunity.

This must be coupled by Fearlessness and Passion so strong that they complement each other rather than get in each other’s way.

The ability to be vulnerable is where Fearlessness comes into play.  In theatre, being able to be completely open and  honest requires that one must shed all their “normal” defense behaviors and habits that one has acquired in order to develop the thick skin they need for this business.  When you combine Passion to Fearlessness, it definitely makes becoming vulnerable so much easier.  When you are so Passionate about what you do, you are willing to do anything you need to do in order to increase your Success rate.  But note, there is a fine line with Passion and the chance of overstepping is high.  Take care that you treat everyone with integrity and respect.

Now, once you multiply those factors together you have to take Inspiration and magnify those figures which then creates Confidence.  

I can’t stress how important it is that when the feeling of Inspiration strikes, you should honor it and create something.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  I created this post after watching the video above.  Something about Lady Gaga just makes me want to either write or sew.  Or sing.  Since writing requires less set up and material, I chose it over sewing and I sing along with whatever is playing.  But like I said it doesn’t really matter. It could be a quick sketch on a napkin.  I have a beautiful inked one that I bought for a dollar while at a karaoke bar.  See? 

If you do something like this, have the Artist sign it!

Once you have your confidence number, multiply that with Heart.  

No is a word that artistic people hear all the time.  It’s incredibly hard to constantly be judged in order to make your dreams come true.  Heart is the thing that is going to keep you driven.  Just like your heart is the organ that is vital in sustaining life in your body,  your Heart is going to keep you fighting to obtain your dreams. So when your tired of being shot down for not being/believing/looking/loving like the mainstream thinks you should, let your Heart help you to keep going and reaching down even when you think you have scraped the bottom of your resources.  This will also be the way to judge what is wrong and right for you.

Next, you take your answer and add Talent to the mix.  Now Talent comes in varying degrees as does all things, but if you are lacking in one area, you can make up for it in O, C, F, or P.  Clearly, not everyone out there is that successful is Talented.  For good measure, make sure you do your homework, Knowledge,  and learn as much about your vocation of choice as you can since it will only help you.  All of this equals Success.

And I wish you much Success!!