performing – The Actorvist

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Hello Gentle Reader!

A few posts back, I spoke about needing to get over my resistance to this new trend of video chatting, live streaming and zoom classes. Basically, everything being done in front of a camera. The place that I am the most hesitant to be. 😔

If this were a Youtube video, I would insert a clip of a husky whining, which always makes me laugh because 1. it is friggin adorable when they “talk back” and 2. they do it so well!😂

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been taking part of an acting class at A.C.T. 👍and working on my next contracted project. ❤️ I still don’t quite understand it, but I am going along for the ride.

While I haven’t had any 🔪psycho killers being spotted behind me in the calls (so far)😳, I have enjoyed being in the remote company of other people. Some that I know from past shows, as is the case with the contract project, and some that are total strangers. With that being said, I still don’t think this is a way that I want to communicate with people. I find I exert a lot of energy trying to maintain focus while tangible things are trying to pull my attention away. For example, while we are in class, I find myself staring at the titles of the books that are all over in the room. It was supposed to be a craft room/library, but that has kind of gotten sidelined as craft projects and books have exploded EVERYWHERE in the apartment. Bookshelves full of books and stacks of books and book stuck in between book shelves that aren’t flush together. Not to mention that since it is the furthest room from the wi-fi router, sometimes the signal gets a little weak and the screen becomes this robotic, slo-mo sounding remix of life. Even when the signal is great, there is a lag time so I see the actions and a second or two later comes my classmate’s line. It makes it hard to genuinely stay in the moment because in that split second between the action and line becoming audible, I notice the lag. It pulls me out of the scene and there is nothing that I dislike more than being pulled out of a scene. I am a little frustrated by it, and I can’t do anything but accept it. (It’s gonna bother me so much.)

The contract gig is cool. It has a very heavy poetry base and we aren’t really acting out any specific scenes, so it is very different than class. Also, we don’t have to use the camera if we aren’t feeling up to it. That, Dear Reader, is my favorite thing about it. LOL! It takes the pressure off of the visual, so you can focus on only one aspect and then sometimes you come up with something that you weren’t expecting. As we get closer to performing this gig, I will be sure to let you know more about it, as it will begin to take a clearer shape to me so I can explain it better.

As I try and get acclimated performing at home instead of on a stage, I am trying to control my controllables. Things like staying hydrated and humming vocal warm ups so I sound clear when I am speaking. I can’t go all out and sing the vocal warm ups since the neighbors might get cranky. I stretch and try to stay limber. I have a new fear of throwing out my back in the middle of class and being stuck on the floor or in pain while the rest of the class watches. *The Horror!!😱* I try, TRY to get some good sleep to get rid of the luggage under my peepers cuz I gots bag for days!!!! All those years of not sleeping are finally going to have their moment for all to see. Curse you, sleeplessness!!! *shakes fist at sky*

Kind Reader, how does one turn the tables on next season’s fashion line of eye-baggage? How does one erase the mocking under-eye laugh lines of insomnia? I have tried it all: cold spoons, cucumbers, eye masks, eye gels, coffee grounds, Preparation H, concealer… None of these have been warrior worthy foes to them. I am open to suggestions, however crazy they may seem.

Ok, Gentle Reader, I have ranted enough for the day. Thank you for shining so brightly and letting me once again, bend your ear. Stay safe and alert.

Until next time…

Dear Gentle Reader,HOW ARE YOU??

I cannot believe how long it has been since my last post. It didn’t seem like that long ago. My apologies!😳

I guess I was stressing myself out over Catch Me If You Can more than I thought! Even Opening Night was unnerving.😱 I think I added to my collection of gray hairs over the last three weeks. But that isn’t what I wanted to muse about today. I will certainly be talking about CMIYC soon. Let me add it to my bullet journal… for tomorrow. DONE!✔️

On my drive to rehearsal for Funny Thing… Forum, I heard a song that recalled a conversation that I had with a former coworker which inevitably wormed its way through all the different posts/articles/reviews/conversations that I have read/heard/had with others.

The theme of those interactions basically boiled down to a kind of “I can do it better” mentality. 😮 I recall that one of my friends kind of gave me a smirk of “oh sure” or “yeah, right” when I told them in all honesty that I don’t understand that line of thinking. Yes, I do say things about an actors’/directors’ choices but NEVER with the thought that I would have done the project better. First, it is hard enough to do either of those jobs. I find encouraging is a much more enjoyable feeling. Second, if I auditioned and didn’t get the part, the director had something in mind that I didn’t fit. Secondly, if I didn’t audition, I would think it is kind of egotistical to assume that I would have done better. Maybe I wouldn’t’ve even been offered the role – which takes us back to the second reason.

I, in all sincerity, make critiques with curiosity. I want to know why a certain choice was made. I try and play out all the different versions in my head but maybe there was something I didn’t know that created the choice in question.

I welcome criticism and critiques because I want to always improve, but I don’t feel that tearing someone down is beneficial. I’ve experienced it school and hated that, so I would never want to make someone feel that way. The funny thing about school was that they thought the tearing down would solve the issue that I was quick to finish my work and help out my classmates. LOL Ah, good times, good times!

Well, Dear Reader, I must away to the theater for another performance of CMIYC.🎭What do you think of the whole “I can do it better” line of thinking? Have you caught yourself in that mode? Leave me a comment and lemme know. Don’t be shy. We’re all friends here. 👍

As always, Gentle Reader, thanks for reading.

UPDATE: Some people have asked if this was in regards to something someone said about me. Nope. I can’t help how people feel about what I do, but I hope I do it well enough so they understand what I did. It just bums me out that the most common way of thinking is that the performer didn’t do what was asked of them and that somehow the “critic” could step in and do it better.

I just want to be inspired by my fellow performers. If something is odd, I want to know why that choice was made because maybe I missed something (which is HIGHLY likely.) I don’t ever want to be the kind of person who believes I am better then anyone else because we all bring something different to the table.

*end of rant* 😏