With fellow Actors: Sean Carson-Hull, Amanda Garley, Shawn Bender
The other day while out at a holiday dinner party, I was introduced as “An Ac-tor” with an exaggerated British comedy voice and a grand arm gesture. I am not sure why, but I felt myself blush…no that’s not quite what I felt. It was more like an electrical charge that began at the top of my crown and shot down my entire body in a hot second. I immediately looked down and said “No. I am more of a performer.”
What the frack?!?
While I may not come off as a shy person, when it comes to this one subject, I tiptoe around it like it’s some sort of horrible secret. I tried to justify it to myself last night that I was just giving the old “Oh, stop..” kind of deal. But that didn’t sit well and when I woke up this morning, I was well and truly pissed off at myself.
Am I ashamed of owning the title? Is it because I am not getting a paycheck for most of my work yet? No, that doesn’t seem right. I think it may be because one of the first things people want to know is “Have I seen you in anything?” and “What have you done?” First, I don’t know if you’ve seen me, I have better things to do than spy on you. Second, I’ve done a ton of stuff and we both have better things to do than for me to try and recount them all. Also, people seem to think that if your an actor you only do dramas or other serio-social plays. I love to do it all. Singing, dancing, and creating character choices are what make me incredibly happy. I love to make people laugh. I like to think I am pretty good at it. Not good enough to be a comic, but good enough to portray some thing that someone else has written. I can carry a tune. Yes, occasionally a note drops out of my bucket, but the majority of the tune is there. And while I may not have the ideal “dancer build” I can’t help but to move. I also like to think that I have great rhythm so dancing is just one of those lucky things I found out I can do.
But the one thing that ties all 3 things together is that you are still “acting” if you are really into it. When I sing a song, I begin to live in that little world I am singing about. Sometimes, I can actually see details in it. That’s always fleeting though. When I dance, I lead with my heart, because that’s all I know how to do. It’s one thing to dance an upbeat number with a big cheesy grin, but if you were to dance to a piece to the melancholy music of the Schindler’s List score that big grin would be inappropriate.
In closing, I’d like to apologize to myself. I am so sorry for not openly accepting the title. I promise that going forward, I will happily wrap my arms around it.
Hello. My name is Jery.
And I am an Actor.
Have a comment? Leave it in the designated space below, and maybe I’ll learn something new today.
You have thoroughly ruined the majority of my weekend. I’ve missed 3 festive gatherings because of you and I’ve decided that enough is enough.
One thing that I have always believed in as an actor is to honor your feelings regardless of what they are. That being said, I feel that I’ve felt stress and anxiety as much as I can handle at the moment. For an honest to goodness moment, I actually stopped and really thought if I was going through a period of depression. I’ve been functioning, but not feeling like my usual jovial self. Maybe I am depressed, but every time I feel any sort of negative emotion, I have conditioned myself to take that energy and try and create something with it or to put it to beneficial use. For me the thinking behind is it, is that after I’ve “memorized” what these emotions make me feel physiologically, this energy doesn’t do anything. It just makes me fidget or eat (that’s the last thing I need to do on a budget as tight as mine.) but it doesn’t help me in any way. So, I try to redirect myself to find a project that I can complete or begin.
SO…
One of my co-workers asked me if I have any New Year’s resolutions the other day. I told her that I didn’t. Because I don’t believe in them. This seemed to surprise her. But why do you need them? I look at resolutions the same way I look at Thanksgiving. When it comes to being thankful, it should be something that you do every single day. I don’t need to be reminded. Besides, what we are taught in schools is not why “thanksgiving” was celebrated in the first place. It was for the slaughter of a nearby Native American tribe. I am NOT thankful for that.
Resolutions are almost always about making yourself a better person in some way. And what happens if you don’t keep to your resolution, for even a brief period of time? You feel like you failed. After that, then it’s like “why bother?” I am always looking for ways to better myself, so again, I don’t feel the need to make a resolution. I do make goals not resolutions. Goals can be created or revised when you need to re-evaluate. Resolutions, we have been trained to believe, are steadfast. Just call them goals. Why put yourself through the ringer if you don’t stick to your resolution. Check out this site for some interesting stats. Or if your interested in seeing what the top resolutions are, check it out here.
I’ve still got some goals that I am working on. Here are what I am working on:
1. Finding more performing opportunities.
2. Get an agent.
3. Pay off all my debts.
4. Fill my brain with more monologues.
and lastly,
5. Come to a definitive solution: sacrifice months that I can perform and get paid more OR keep my pay and audition for everything that I want to. With everything I am supposed to do, in addition to giving up what I am most passionate about for a 1/3 of the year, I feel like I should be making more money. If that’s not something that can happen, then I shouldn’t have to give up that 1/3 of the year. If I need to leave the wonderful place I am at now, then I’ll have to take that into serious consideration.
So what kind of goals do you have? Have you ever made a resolution that you were able to stick to? How’d you do it? Leave a comment and let’s chat about it. I am sure you can teach me something new!
Now that I have a free moment, I’d like to say… Benjamin Burton Daniel Ovington?!
Kidding!
I know it’s going to sound unbelievably unoriginal and uninspired, but I have thoroughly enjoyed working along side each and every one of you. I’ve only been in one show where I’ve laughed as much as I have in this one, so I cannot thank you enough for the tremendous hilarity you have infused the entire rehearsal process and production run with. I actually looked forward to rehearsals, a little less so when it was hot outside. But still, I looked forward to seeing all of you wonderful people. That’s why every night when I left, I said “goodbye all you wonderful, beautiful people.” For you truly are. There’s a small part of me that is a little sad that I won’t be seeing you all this coming weekend.
Now, while the previous words weren’t super original, please know that they are extremely heartfelt. I do however want to tell you the following:
Andrea – I have absolutely loved watching you on stage. Your commitment to your character choices is always 100% and makes me want to be that focused. I still want to do a project that features you! I don’t know what, but just a head’s up!
Brett – You have brought jack-assery (that’s a Brett Carlson term) to another level. There were subtleties in your performance that were genius and I take my hat off to you sir! It’s been an honor sharing the stage with you once more.
Sean – Thank you for being stuck with me once more and allowing me to interact with you. It’s always a riot when you come up with an unexpected remark. Enjoy your break, but don’t stay off-stage too long.
Greg – You, sir were so well prepared and only because you told me, I would never have guessed that this is only one in a small handful of performances. I look forward to some good things from you. Thanks for the laughs!
John – It was a pleasure sharing the stage with you. You have great energy and your so charming on stage! Keep up the good work!
Doug – It was great to do another show with you. I loved the new energy you brought to Act 2 every night. I hope it’s not another 6 years before we share the stage again.
Mike – This show, I’m sure, will have specific memories tied to it. For me, your incredible heart and friendship and kindness will be something that will always be thought of when I think of H2$.
Roberta – Gurl, you are all kinds of fierce. Your calmness always helped me focus right before we had to go on stage. I love that you also delve into your character’s past and see what you can use. It’s inspiring.
Stephanie – I really only got to watch you dance during Yo-Ho-Ho, and every time, you were fabulous in it! Those doubles! Bam! Every time. You are without question one of the nicest people I have the privilege of knowing.
Kim – You have some of the best reactionary expressions in the show! So much fun to watch you each show during Cinderella Darling (I was all stalkery and watching from the lobby)
Elizabeth – You took funny to a whole other level! I could see you doing very well in a stand up comic situation. You have a wonderful way of telling stories and finding the funny in them. You definitely were one of the wickedly funny people in the cast. Your drawings were adorable, and I will always remember the humpy camel.
Lydia – FLAWLESS!! You brainy chica! Your interpretation of Hedy was brilliant! Nuff said!
Ronnie – I feel so lucky to have had this opportunity to work with you. You humor was completely unexpected but totally gut busting! I am forever going to think of you as a closeted smarmy fella!
Cindy – I am shocked that you haven’t done more musicals! You’ve got such a great voice! So sultry, or should I say slinky?! You are an absolute joy!
Sven – I am in awe of how dedicated you practiced the Chipmunk Cheer every night. Your applause were honestly well deserved! Chip-Chip-Chip-Chip-Chipmunk! Hmph! Keep up the great work!
Karl – You are so devilishly funny! I love how much thought you put into your character. My favorite moment is when you leave the stage after “Coffee Break.” I am SO glad you are back in theatre, you’re so natural there.
Frank – Once again, you are a delight to work with. You’re always such a consistent actor, and it’s a great comfort to work with someone so dependable.
Lea – Diva, my diva! You have THE best expression the first time we see Hedy! I love that you always have strong characters. Even, if they aren’t written as such. You always give them an immense dignity that makes your characters so likable.
Chris – Another fabulous job. You’re song was always one that I really enjoyed watching from the wings. You’ll have to keep me posted on your next show.
April – Hello, Ms. Fabulous! Getting to know you and to perform with you was an absolute joy! My regret is that we didn’t get to gabbing sooner in the rehearsal process.
Samantha – Gurl, I love you! I just think the world of you. Your work at the conservatory is super evident. Every night, I loved watching you storm out angry then change your tactic and rush back in 5 seconds later. So incredible to see that transformation backstage.
Robert – Davis!! You were a rock, solid! Thank you for all your help when I missed stuff! It’s been a honor to work with you again. I can’t remember how long it’s been since the last show, but it better not happen again!
Jeff – To my “Fraternity” brother, it was a blast dancing with you. Thank you for your help during the set up of Act 2 scene 4, I appreciate it.
Melissa – Okay, you were the one I was not expecting to hear such wicked yet frackin’ funny things from. Not only that, you are so quick with the funny! I wanna be able to sing like you when I grow up. Such a fabulous voice. I am going to miss helping you down from a table.
Jen – You are a wonderful dance partner. Thanks for trusting that I wouldn’t drop you! Thank you for helping me figure out all the things that I missed during “Coffee Break” due to work. Also thanks, for the info on how to help my shoulder.
All of you have a place in my heart, and I would happily work with any and all of you again anytime! I wish you all nothing but the best in your future endeavors and incredible success in 2012!!
I love you and cannot thank you enough for the laughs and the wonderful memories and friendships that you’ve shared with me over the last 3 months.
As we enter into the 4th decade of the AIDS epidemic, I wonder if this thing is ever going to be cured.
Today, the drug cocktails are so strong that they can greatly reduce the HIV levels in those infected, but they never really cure the disease. Of course diet and exercise play an important role, as I am sure positivity does as well. A while back Magic Johnson’s doctors proclaimed that his levels were so low that they were undetectable. They never said he was cured but that the levels were so low that his immune system appeared nearly perfect.
Even with that said, the virus is still contagious.
I used to know a guy named Marty. He was a great guy. Full of energy, and quite chatty. We talked almost once a week at a cafe that I used to go to after school. We hung out at the cafe and we talked about all kinds of random things. Then one day he told me he was HIV positive. I was so sad. This guy who was so full of life may have it cut short? How can that be fair? Of course this was in the 90’s, so the advances that we have now weren’t the same. During summer break, I think it was all of August, I didn’t make it to the cafe. When I went back in September, he wasn’t there. I don’t know if he moved or if he just got tired of talking to a dumb kid. Hell, he may have even passed away. I don’t know. I just kept thinking that it was such a waste that someone with that kind of spirit had to move on sooner than one would expect.
In the 80’s when the world first learned about HIV/AIDS, there were all these crazy things being said, like you can catch it by using the same bathroom and stuff. Luckily, some schools were quick to put into place a “task force” as it were, of students to act as educators to other students. I don’t know why but this particular disease always bothered me the most. Actually, no, that’s a bit of a lie. I was thinking I would edit that out, but I feel like when moments like this happen, it’s best to leave what’s written alone. Sorry, I just had a brief conversation with myself.
Anyway, I just said I didn’t know why AIDS struck me so profoundly, but I DO know why. It’s because of all the hate that I saw. Everyone was saying that it’s a curse for the gays and that only fags can get it. That it was what we deserved for following our hearts and loving another person that just happens to have the chromosomes that we do (XX or XY). I know that being in middle school and knowing that I was a big ‘mo, may seem unlikely, but I assure you, I’ve known since kindergarten. But that’s another story. Being a gay male, did this mean that AIDS was supposed to be meant for me as well? I saw the pictures of the lesions and the end result of the people who passed away. They looked so thin and gaunt. Like they’ve used the last bit of their life force to fight off the virus only to be defeated.
So I joined that student task force. I attended the meetings. I talked about “safer” sex to everyone that would listen. They called it safer, because no sexual act is without it’s dangers. The condom could break or maybe a bite accidentally draws blood. I would try my best to dispel the myths about how one can contract the virus. Unlike the rhinovirus, and lucky for us, HIV has not mutated to the point where it is an airborne threat.
Hopefully, I get the word soon that I will be joining the AIDS LifeCycle this coming summer. I’ll be hitting you all up for donations. hahaha. I guess I better hop on my bike!
So on this World AIDS Day, I wish you all health and vitality. Take care of yourselves, and your bodies as well as your spirit.
Do you know your status? Here’s a site that has resources on every level, so no matter where you are, there is some thing for you to guide you in the right direction.
The Actorvist 