The other day while out at a holiday dinner party, I was introduced as “An Ac-tor” with an exaggerated British comedy voice and a grand arm gesture. I am not sure why, but I felt myself blush…no that’s not quite what I felt. It was more like an electrical charge that began at the top of my crown and shot down my entire body in a hot second. I immediately looked down and said “No. I am more of a performer.”
What the frack?!?
While I may not come off as a shy person, when it comes to this one subject, I tiptoe around it like it’s some sort of horrible secret. I tried to justify it to myself last night that I was just giving the old “Oh, stop..” kind of deal. But that didn’t sit well and when I woke up this morning, I was well and truly pissed off at myself.
Am I ashamed of owning the title? Is it because I am not getting a paycheck for most of my work yet? No, that doesn’t seem right. I think it may be because one of the first things people want to know is “Have I seen you in anything?” and “What have you done?” First, I don’t know if you’ve seen me, I have better things to do than spy on you. Second, I’ve done a ton of stuff and we both have better things to do than for me to try and recount them all. Also, people seem to think that if your an actor you only do dramas or other serio-social plays. I love to do it all. Singing, dancing, and creating character choices are what make me incredibly happy. I love to make people laugh. I like to think I am pretty good at it. Not good enough to be a comic, but good enough to portray some thing that someone else has written. I can carry a tune. Yes, occasionally a note drops out of my bucket, but the majority of the tune is there. And while I may not have the ideal “dancer build” I can’t help but to move. I also like to think that I have great rhythm so dancing is just one of those lucky things I found out I can do.
But the one thing that ties all 3 things together is that you are still “acting” if you are really into it. When I sing a song, I begin to live in that little world I am singing about. Sometimes, I can actually see details in it. That’s always fleeting though. When I dance, I lead with my heart, because that’s all I know how to do. It’s one thing to dance an upbeat number with a big cheesy grin, but if you were to dance to a piece to the melancholy music of the Schindler’s List score that big grin would be inappropriate.
In closing, I’d like to apologize to myself. I am so sorry for not openly accepting the title. I promise that going forward, I will happily wrap my arms around it.
Hello. My name is Jery.
And I am an Actor.
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The Actorvist 