Shame on me…

I am experiencing the strangest, um, cycle…no.  That isn’t the right word for it.  Sadly, I don’t have the proper way to say it concisely.  With that in mind…Lemme tell you a story.

So when I began working on this show, I was elated. I was joyous.  Over the moon, even.  During the six week rehearsal process, from staging to building the characters, from rehearsing in an echo-y room to finally getting to the theatre, from playing with my fellow actors to venting with them, I have seem to come to a point where I feel stagnant.  And I am absolutely ashamed to say it.

I don’t know what it is about this particular play, but right after Opening, I’ve just been feeling like I am in the middle of the road.  The preview shows were fun as was Opening Night. However, since then while I am energetic and enthusiastic off stage, I personally feel like what I am putting forth is stale.

But if I were truly in “the moment” how in the hell, could find myself in the situation I am in?  I don’t believe that I have ever played the same scene twice in a row.  I am sure that it’s for selfish reasons, because I think I’ve played the way I have to illicit different responses from my cast mates.

I actually felt bad when I walked out to thank the audience for seeing the show.  I hung out in the far back of the group, trying to not be seen.  I wish I didn’t even go out there, but Rosa herded everyone out into the lobby, so I got stuck in the group.  Even meeting Luis Valdez, the father of Chicano Theatre and author of Zoot Suit, was super cool, but I didn’t feel worthy of his compliment.  I ducked out of the lobby very shortly after that.  I was in my regular clothes and in my car before the rest of the cast even came back to the dressing rooms.

What makes you feel like you’ve stalled in the middle of your momentum?  How do you overcome this obstacle?  More importantly, once you figure it out, how do you prevent it from happening all over again?

Let me know what you find that works for you.



4 thoughts on “Shame on me…

  1. I think i actually feel that way a lot. I think many people do. For me, I just plow ahead or make a huge change in my life. If I’ve felt stalled at work, I look for a different job. When I painted regularly, I found I was constantly pushing my style so it was never the same. That was a problem when working on large paintings, cause the second part of the painting didn’t match the first. The last few years have had so much change, I find I feel “bored” or itching for change every few months because that’s what’s been happening to me, so I have to effect it if it isn’t happening naturally.

    Maybe you just need to approach this part with a totally different frame of mind. Use a completely different acting theory/ technique.


    1. Anna – Girl, I hear you! I feel that way often about new jobs, or projects all the time. Usually I just push on ahead. This project though is just tough. I’ll try the totally different frame of mind. The techniques I’ve run out of. Maybe I’ll spike my flask. Haha! Thanks for the suggestion, though. AND, why ain’t you never said you painted before? You have to show me some of your work!!!


  2. Hell if I know how to get your mojo back, I think it’s a planetary thing going on right now. I’ve had blogger’s block for two weeks! I don’t know what the heck to do about it either. I keep on keepin’ on in the hopes that my readers will come back when my writing does. Other than that? Drinking works! Ha-ha!


    1. Notblue – Usually when I push on through, yeah something begins to happen, but for the last 5 performances to feel flat makes me kind of desperate to figure this out. The things that each person does on stage is supposed to affect the others, so I am wondering if I am doing anything at all, ya know? It’s just frustrating. It’s gonna make me drink. Hahaha


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