March 26, 2011 – The Actorvist

In light of yesterday’s post, I got a loverly comment from Anna, who owns my favorite comic book store: Illusive Comics. She said, to paraphrase, “Why don’t you just change your mindset?”

So that, my dearies, is exactly what I did tonight. I took the hour before the show to get into what I am gonna call the Pennywise motto…

Have you see the amazing TV movie “Stephen King’s IT“? Yeah, the ending is a little on the weak side, but it’s still a great movie. Definitely one of THE most evil characters ever portrayed on TV. There is a part during the second half of the movie where the bully, Henry Bowers escapes from jail after seeing Pennywise in the moon. The clown tells him to “Kill them all! Kill them all!” In the quiet of my car, I ran that quote through my mind over and over and over.

Every word that I said tonight had that message behind it. I even had a cockiness in the Juan Blas character that I never considered adding before. I don’t know how it read on the stage, but man it felt good. There was some evil chuckling added in there too. At one point, I almost circled one of the actors, Jay Vera, as though I was looking for his weakness, but something said not to do it.

I relished instigating (thank you, Luis!) the death of Lupito (Sam Valenzuela), taunting Ultima (Rosa Escalante). I think that sort of evilness is what I needed to get back into things.

I’ve realized that the arcs that my characters of Andrew and Juan Blas, even though I tried to make them as physically different as possible, are almost identical. They both have a scene that’s full of emotion one right after the other, so I can’t feel the difference in the scenes.

If you have never seen this movie, I HIGHLY recommend it. Especially if you have a fear of clowns. Muahahahah…

And remember, “They all float down here!”

I am experiencing the strangest, um, cycle…no. That isn’t the right word for it. Sadly, I don’t have the proper way to say it concisely. With that in mind…Lemme tell you a story.

So when I began working on this show, I was elated. I was joyous. Over the moon, even. During the six week rehearsal process, from staging to building the characters, from rehearsing in an echo-y room to finally getting to the theatre, from playing with my fellow actors to venting with them, I have seem to come to a point where I feel stagnant. And I am absolutely ashamed to say it.

I don’t know what it is about this particular play, but right after Opening, I’ve just been feeling like I am in the middle of the road. The preview shows were fun as was Opening Night. However, since then while I am energetic and enthusiastic off stage, I personally feel like what I am putting forth is stale.

But if I were truly in “the moment” how in the hell, could find myself in the situation I am in? I don’t believe that I have ever played the same scene twice in a row. I am sure that it’s for selfish reasons, because I think I’ve played the way I have to illicit different responses from my cast mates.

I actually felt bad when I walked out to thank the audience for seeing the show. I hung out in the far back of the group, trying to not be seen. I wish I didn’t even go out there, but Rosa herded everyone out into the lobby, so I got stuck in the group. Even meeting Luis Valdez, the father of Chicano Theatre and author of Zoot Suit, was super cool, but I didn’t feel worthy of his compliment. I ducked out of the lobby very shortly after that. I was in my regular clothes and in my car before the rest of the cast even came back to the dressing rooms.

What makes you feel like you’ve stalled in the middle of your momentum? How do you overcome this obstacle? More importantly, once you figure it out, how do you prevent it from happening all over again?

Let me know what you find that works for you.

Cheers!