🎼Nothing I Can Say, A Total Eclipse… 🎶

Hello Gentle Reader,

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. 😂 Another post ? Who am I even? 😳

The eclipse made all kinds of news and had a whole bunch of hype, while, yes the event is a marvel, it is nothing we haven’t seen before. There was also a lot of fear mongering going around as well, but I think this is like the 8th end of the world that I have survived. But who’s counting?😂

What I find striking is that as the moon and sun line up with the Earth, I am finding that my work and artistic worlds are oddly creating parallels that line up of their own.
Much like the anxiety inducing level of media hype that the eclipse received, there was also news at the ol’ survival job that created a level of stress. What makes it all the more concerning is that it raises more questions than answers. Especially when I talk to people in various departments. I ask a lot of questions and I watch people’s bahaviors. I people watch for fun, so going by what I have seen, it just makes me really question what is going on.

So you, Dear Reader, don’t have to wonder, I work with… had worked with, a great teammate in a very busy executive level conference center. We have another site up north with a team of 3 and about 1/2 as many meetings as we host in the center I am based in. We were a team of 2. The rumblings say that there was a sweeping cut based on level to make headcount for other places that will need people. However, I was also asked just a week later, if I would need another person with me part time or full time, which doesn’t make any sense to me. Yes, I get that they may have cut for budget, but what if that isn’t the full story?

In addition to this, the rehearsal process has begun for the charming Kinky Boots! Have you never heard of this show? Personally, I fell in love with the movie years ago. When there was a point in the early to mid 90’s I think it was that a whole slew of LGBTQIA+ movies were being released at the local indie cinema. Things like:

My friends and I would go and finally see people like us on the screen. It really is incredibly impactful how much representation matters. So for those who don’t know Kinky Boots:

Kind Reader, now the challenge becomes how I can embody this incredible character and represent my community in a way that is truthful not just to the play but to myself also. I have been offered the fabulous drag role of Lola. While she has always been cast as a black actor, I take comfort in the words of the author that says they understand in some areas, this casting may not be possible, but the requirement is to at least have Lola portrayed by a person of color. While learning a new role is a little stressful on its own, I stressed hardcore about that single detail and majorly advocated for another auditionee that I thought would be perfect. Now, add the survival job issues on top of it all and we have got ourselves a big ass double patty stress burger with a side of doubt that all of this will not affect each other.

But this now brings me to another way I am watching things fall into parallel. While there is all this upheaval at work, I know that no company is loyal to an employee anymore. Gone are those days, unless it involves cronyism and nepotism. LOL But nowadays, people are just cogs in the wheels and I fully understand that no one is guaranteed anything from a company. It is always nice, but it isn’t guaranteed. People are brought in based on their talents (traditionally) and how they can make the business better.

In my other world, I have heard of whispers of unhappy actors derailing progress because they didn’t get what they wanted or believed they were more deserving of roles than others or that roles aren’t being represented the way they would like them to be. That makes me so sad. I am not involved in any of this, but the theatre world is pretty small in the grand scheme of things. It seems that everyone knows everyone else, or at least knows of them. And like I said before. I people watch for fun and sometimes you catch people talking about stuff. But like the work world I survive in, no theatre company, unless you have a contract (and even then, that can be iffy) owes any actor a specific role or title. Some actors can pitch the diversity card, but if that company has a history of making a concerted efforts of inclusion, then this just feels like an entitlement grab. It is sad and unprofessional to not bring your best to every little thing that you are involved in. To not set an example and treat everyone with kindness and compassion as you work toward a common goal of creating something meaningful. Know these types of things linger on the minds of people who direct. And when the time comes again for the chance to do it again, that would definitely color my choices.

How about you, Gentle Reader? Are you noticing things in your life lining up at this time? Does this happen often, or never at all? It could just be coincidental, but what if it isn’t? Is there anything that you are surprised by?

Just like I try my hardest in the art world, I will strive to bring my best to the hand that I am dealt in the survival world. I will help to spin the wheel as long as I can muster and still try to bring other facets of life to the stage. I typically look forward to challenges, but sometimes even when you look forward to them, they can overwhelm.

And so Dear Reader, until next time, please stay safe and aware. Take care of yourself and those you care about.

❤️

Thank you, Stress and Anxiety…

You have thoroughly ruined the majority of my weekend. I’ve missed 3 festive gatherings because of you and I’ve decided that enough is enough.

One thing that I have always believed in as an actor is to honor your feelings regardless of what they are. That being said, I feel that I’ve felt stress and anxiety as much as I can handle at the moment. For an honest to goodness moment, I actually stopped and really thought if I was going through a period of depression. I’ve been functioning, but not feeling like my usual jovial self. Maybe I am depressed, but every time I feel any sort of negative emotion, I have conditioned myself to take that energy and try and create something with it or to put it to beneficial use. For me the thinking behind is it, is that after I’ve “memorized” what these emotions make me feel physiologically, this energy doesn’t do anything. It just makes me fidget or eat (that’s the last thing I need to do on a budget as tight as mine.) but it doesn’t help me in any way. So, I try to redirect myself to find a project that I can complete or begin.

SO…

One of my co-workers asked me if I have any New Year’s resolutions the other day. I told her that I didn’t. Because I don’t believe in them. This seemed to surprise her. But why do you need them? I look at resolutions the same way I look at Thanksgiving. When it comes to being thankful, it should be something that you do every single day. I don’t need to be reminded. Besides, what we are taught in schools is not why “thanksgiving” was celebrated in the first place. It was for the slaughter of a nearby Native American tribe. I am NOT thankful for that.

Resolutions are almost always about making yourself a better person in some way. And what happens if you don’t keep to your resolution, for even a brief period of time? You feel like you failed. After that, then it’s like “why bother?” I am always looking for ways to better myself, so again, I don’t feel the need to make a resolution. I do make goals not resolutions. Goals can be created or revised when you need to re-evaluate. Resolutions, we have been trained to believe, are steadfast. Just call them goals. Why put yourself through the ringer if you don’t stick to your resolution. Check out this site for some interesting stats. Or if your interested in seeing what the top resolutions are, check it out here.

I’ve still got some goals that I am working on. Here are what I am working on:

1. Finding more performing opportunities.

2. Get an agent.

3. Pay off all my debts.

4. Fill my brain with more monologues.

and lastly,

5. Come to a definitive solution: sacrifice months that I can perform and get paid more OR keep my pay and audition for everything that I want to. With everything I am supposed to do, in addition to giving up what I am most passionate about for a 1/3 of the year, I feel like I should be making more money. If that’s not something that can happen, then I shouldn’t have to give up that 1/3 of the year. If I need to leave the wonderful place I am at now, then I’ll have to take that into serious consideration.

So what kind of goals do you have? Have you ever made a resolution that you were able to stick to? How’d you do it? Leave a comment and let’s chat about it. I am sure you can teach me something new!

Something stressful this way comes…

Sam Valenzuela and Lalo Lopez acting like hams!

We had a designer run-through last night and the work was very, very rough. There were a lot of questions from people, usually starting with the words “In the script it says…” and then adding a detail that hasn’t been spoken of, or addressed as of yet. It’s funny how many things can be accidentally overlooked when focus is on one aspect of a play.

When we get into the last few weeks before Opening Night, things begin to get stressful sometimes. Everyone begins to intensely focus on the task at hand. People begin to “wear” their characters in the hallways and in the wings while waiting to go on stage. The usual lively jokiness that abounds in the hallways may cause the actors to break concentration.

One of the many things that I try to do is be respectful of my fellow actors and before performances, I try not to fool around if I see them focused on their entrance. One of the worst things that an actor can do is either miss and entrance or come onstage late. I would hate to be the cause of something like that, so I do my best to stay out of the way.

Since we open in two weeks, things are going to be tough and a wee bit on the stressy (yup, it’s a made up word) side. One of the best things that we as actors can do for each other is to know our lines, our scenes and entrances, and to keep the silliness to a minimum. But I have to emphasize that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stop laughing.

And with these people, I don’t think that will be a problem.