Hello Gentle Reader!!

Happy New Year! Well, close to it anyway. 😉

I recently came upon a meme or maybe it was just a few sentences in a colorful box… in any case, it inspired me to work on a project that is still causing me to quake.

I have this dislike, pretty much an irrational fear, of being on videos and pictures. If I don’t see the camera, or they are far away, then I am fine, but I freeze up with a camera all up in muh face, ya know?

This idea came to me about 2 weeks ago. It has me REALLY excited because I get to do things that I don’t think have been done yet. Here’s the thing, I always get what I think are really cool ideas, but then I freak out because they aren’t turning out as good as I would like so they get put in the “Finish Later” pile. Next thing I know, the idea is out in the world from the mind of someone else. And people like it. It’s great because it validates the idea, but I get bummed out because I didn’t finish hatching the idea into its fullest form.

I had listened to an audio book a million years ago, at least that’s what it feels like, about creativity and the life of it. It posits that an idea is a small “living” thing. It connects with someone that could bring it to life and you make an agreement to do it so it sticks with you. However, if you don’t complete your end of the agreement, it will go off and find another person that could bring it into fruition.

Well, Dear Reader, I am tired of breaking my “contracts.” The only way for me to get past that is to face my dislikes/fears and get my big ass in gear. I need to talk myself down when I start to freak out. This always seems to happen when I begin the actual “building” of the project. My process always has me write out what the whole project should be. It helps to create the game plan and I am always jazzed about this part. Next, I get the tools or equipment, and once those start to accumulate, I start the freaking out. I don’t know why… I am lying, I do know. What if people hate it? What if it doesn’t work? What if it just isn’t a good idea? Like drinking Clorox to kill the Covid-19 virus. (DON’T DO THAT BY THE WAY!!!)

So, I posted my first video on Instagram in an effort to take that first step. It was kind of rushed and I should have really warmed up my voice since I haven’t really sang like this all year. And my Covid hair is all wackadoo. Well, not too bad, it is just so unruly. I wake up in the mornings with Einstein’s crazy hair. 😂😂This was also a great way to figure out how I can set up for video auditions. It was satisfying to figure that out and to know that I have this information in my back pocket so if I need to do an audition with little prep time, I can pop this out quick and not have to think about it.

The passage that I had mentioned at the top of the post went something to the effect of: (I can’t recall the exact numbers, so that will probably be off). “In his life, Van Gogh painted thousands of works. From that, only about 100 are famous. From that, only half are masterpieces. The object should not be to create a masterpiece with every work but to create pieces that others may see regardless if they were brilliant.”

With that in mind, I will never complete anything if I try to make everything exactly like I see it in my head. (Even though that is way cooler than what the real thing becomes.) I will have to try frickin’ hard to let go of that mentality, but I am hoping that by writing about it and putting in the universe that it will be easier. 🤞for me.

To you, Kind Reader, I wish you the most amazing 2021. May you follow your passions, conquer your fears, and love with your whole heart. I thank you for allowing me to vent/rant/ramble and what not. I look forward to connecting with you all better in the coming months.

Happy New Year, you lovely people.