🎼Nothing I Can Say, A Total Eclipse… 🎶

Hello Gentle Reader,

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. 😂 Another post ? Who am I even? 😳

The eclipse made all kinds of news and had a whole bunch of hype, while, yes the event is a marvel, it is nothing we haven’t seen before. There was also a lot of fear mongering going around as well, but I think this is like the 8th end of the world that I have survived. But who’s counting?😂

What I find striking is that as the moon and sun line up with the Earth, I am finding that my work and artistic worlds are oddly creating parallels that line up of their own.
Much like the anxiety inducing level of media hype that the eclipse received, there was also news at the ol’ survival job that created a level of stress. What makes it all the more concerning is that it raises more questions than answers. Especially when I talk to people in various departments. I ask a lot of questions and I watch people’s bahaviors. I people watch for fun, so going by what I have seen, it just makes me really question what is going on.

So you, Dear Reader, don’t have to wonder, I work with… had worked with, a great teammate in a very busy executive level conference center. We have another site up north with a team of 3 and about 1/2 as many meetings as we host in the center I am based in. We were a team of 2. The rumblings say that there was a sweeping cut based on level to make headcount for other places that will need people. However, I was also asked just a week later, if I would need another person with me part time or full time, which doesn’t make any sense to me. Yes, I get that they may have cut for budget, but what if that isn’t the full story?

In addition to this, the rehearsal process has begun for the charming Kinky Boots! Have you never heard of this show? Personally, I fell in love with the movie years ago. When there was a point in the early to mid 90’s I think it was that a whole slew of LGBTQIA+ movies were being released at the local indie cinema. Things like:

My friends and I would go and finally see people like us on the screen. It really is incredibly impactful how much representation matters. So for those who don’t know Kinky Boots:

Kind Reader, now the challenge becomes how I can embody this incredible character and represent my community in a way that is truthful not just to the play but to myself also. I have been offered the fabulous drag role of Lola. While she has always been cast as a black actor, I take comfort in the words of the author that says they understand in some areas, this casting may not be possible, but the requirement is to at least have Lola portrayed by a person of color. While learning a new role is a little stressful on its own, I stressed hardcore about that single detail and majorly advocated for another auditionee that I thought would be perfect. Now, add the survival job issues on top of it all and we have got ourselves a big ass double patty stress burger with a side of doubt that all of this will not affect each other.

But this now brings me to another way I am watching things fall into parallel. While there is all this upheaval at work, I know that no company is loyal to an employee anymore. Gone are those days, unless it involves cronyism and nepotism. LOL But nowadays, people are just cogs in the wheels and I fully understand that no one is guaranteed anything from a company. It is always nice, but it isn’t guaranteed. People are brought in based on their talents (traditionally) and how they can make the business better.

In my other world, I have heard of whispers of unhappy actors derailing progress because they didn’t get what they wanted or believed they were more deserving of roles than others or that roles aren’t being represented the way they would like them to be. That makes me so sad. I am not involved in any of this, but the theatre world is pretty small in the grand scheme of things. It seems that everyone knows everyone else, or at least knows of them. And like I said before. I people watch for fun and sometimes you catch people talking about stuff. But like the work world I survive in, no theatre company, unless you have a contract (and even then, that can be iffy) owes any actor a specific role or title. Some actors can pitch the diversity card, but if that company has a history of making a concerted efforts of inclusion, then this just feels like an entitlement grab. It is sad and unprofessional to not bring your best to every little thing that you are involved in. To not set an example and treat everyone with kindness and compassion as you work toward a common goal of creating something meaningful. Know these types of things linger on the minds of people who direct. And when the time comes again for the chance to do it again, that would definitely color my choices.

How about you, Gentle Reader? Are you noticing things in your life lining up at this time? Does this happen often, or never at all? It could just be coincidental, but what if it isn’t? Is there anything that you are surprised by?

Just like I try my hardest in the art world, I will strive to bring my best to the hand that I am dealt in the survival world. I will help to spin the wheel as long as I can muster and still try to bring other facets of life to the stage. I typically look forward to challenges, but sometimes even when you look forward to them, they can overwhelm.

And so Dear Reader, until next time, please stay safe and aware. Take care of yourself and those you care about.

❤️

🎼 I’m Diggin’ on the Isotopes; This Metaphysic Shit is Dope, and If All This Can Give Me Hope… 🎶

I would be so so satisfied.


Hello Gentle Reader!
Long time no check-in. I know. In a world that seems to have lost its damn mind, I have found it
hard to want to share or even to connect outside my normal circles.
About a month ago, I came across a post by Cindy Kaza who is not just a medium, yes a medium 👻, but also an incredible artist:


“Human beings have natural season of life. At times, we want to be more extroverted and
connected to community. And at times we’re called inwards. To spend time alone. To reconnect
with ourselves. The cocoon stage comes when we are searching for more, when we don’t want
small talk, when we feel the pull of the body to rest.
It’s a sacred experience. Because it’s not normalized, family and friends can take our cocoon
stage personally. They can view it as a rejection or self isolation.
The cocoon stage isn’t isolation, it’s our solitude. In solitude, we heal our body, expand our mind
and we have space to grieve, process, and reflect on our life.
We’re conditioned to keep going. To keep pushing and grinding, in a constant stream of
distraction. Allowing ourselves to go into cocoon state is a radical act of self love.”


It was fully my intention to use 2024 as a cocoon year.


2023 was remarkable, I learned some new stuff for my survival job and even though it is not my
passion, I did enjoy the chance to learn and work on new things.
However, Dear Reader, in my artistic life, I feel like it was a spectacular moment in time. Like that last thing on a very long list that people said I couldn’t do, I did it. I’d like to think I was successful at it, but defer to the audience. The thing I am talking about specifically is being a part of The Crucible.
I wish I could recall how many people have said things like “Oh that isn’t your type” or “you
don’t give that kind of energy” or straight up “I just can’t see you in that kind of role” when I
have mentioned that I need to do a serious role in a dramatic piece. 😵


The weight of that role, and how different it was from anything I have ever had the chance to
play, was such a fantastic challenge and the words and speech patterns, themselves, were
another level of difficulty. 😵‍💫 And to have the audience with us on that journey every night all the
way through was thrilling.

Then, to follow The Crucible up with Young Frankenstein just seemed like the perfect
compliment to explore nearly the entire emotional spectrum in 6 months.

I think I just wanted firstly, time to relax and really absorb that experience, no… this was an achievement. I have had a chance to feel the gratitude in so many ways, and in doing so, I came to the realization that I wanted to explore more. To my mind, the only way to do that is to get back into classes.

My plan was to return to A.C.T. classes in San Fran. I was aiming for Spring and Summer sessions. I wanted to use the cocoon time to learn and grow and focus on just doing that. I wanted to be able to knit and read at leisure. 💃🏽🕺🏽To take dance classes again on occasion. I find that because I don’t have the best concentration that I need to be incredibly mindful of what I am doing. People say why don’t you knit while you are watching tv. I do. Well, I try. I sit there holding the project but I end up watching the screen and then if there are commercials, I do a little knitting.

Oh Gentle Reader, I love to be swept away in stories so I try to get lost in whatever is playing. Unless the writing is predictable (which is happening a LOT on TV nowadays so that gets boring really fast) Because I want to be invested in the story, I end up not getting anything done. People listen to audiobooks and knit, but I can’t do that either, because I like to “see” the story in my head. Sadly, I am not a good enough knitter to do it without looking. 😂

⏰ Which brings us to today… I begin working on a new project in a few hours, but I was conflicted about it for a VERY long time. But that is a whole other story.

Have you ever considered the human life having “seasons?” Have you ever felt a pull to just shut yourself away for a bit just to think? For me that is the practice I do every time my birthday rolls around, but usually it is only a day or two, so having this feeling of wanting to just use a full year is so appealing. Has the idea of stepping back from something that you enjoy doing so that you can focus on expanding what you know to add even more to that proverbial toolbox?

Until next time, Kind Reader, please be safe and aware and take care of yourself and those you care about.

🎼And I’m In So Deep, You Know I’m Such A Fool For You…🎶

Hellllllooo Gentle Reader!

Wow! It has been a while!

I almost forgot how to do this. And for a moment, I asked myself if I should.

I had wanted to take you with me on the journey that was The Crucible. I thought it would be very interesting as it was something new for me and I wanted to give you something new as well. That was fully my intention, but as the cast read through the show, I realized that this was going to be a different kind of beast. It had a fury in its build, a wildness in its audacity, and a dagger hidden in its truthfulness that I was unprepared for.

I had to unlearn stuff AND learn stuff. Like SOOOOO much stuff. It was a lot of work and I really needed to focus on the work being done well, not on documenting for the necessity of content. I love writing on my little crumb of the internet but first and foremost, I love doing my craft well. ❤️ That matters so much to me, and this was a complete departure from anything I have been offered in the past.

Dear Reader when I say that I felt like I had a lot riding on this, I cannot stress how true that is.

I have mentioned several times how badly I have wanted chances to play something other than the comedic song and dance fella. This was the chance that I needed to confirm within my own mind that my belief that “type” is just something invented to make casting easier. I think settling for types is something to keep audiences willing to spend their money. At least in movies, anyway. Theatre is a little more forgiving but it is still something that exists.

I have seen a casting director posting on instagram that one must know their type if they are going to be “bookable.” I have heard this over the last 25 years or so of my theatrical journey. Personally, I feel like this is an antiquated way of doing things.

Humans are complicated and feel all the emotions and live all of the experiences of being the clown, being the solemn understanding friend, being the raging patient that needs answers, or being the broken child that is still fighting through their traumas.

For me, I began to wonder if I could even tap into this old world masculinity that threatens women with violence and expects blind obedience with a life lived in service to religion. All things that are the complete opposite of my own personal beliefs. I was told almost every day “You’re still too nice. Your can’t be this nice.” The number of times that I was told of my “tells” was so often that I stopped counting. Yet, being told of them and being able to really process them and slough them off to create my version of John Proctor reawakened this deep multi-lifetime desire to solely focus on making characters. Because let’s face it, one doesn’t get these urges because of the money. 😂

I recognize that I have this NEED to be a storyteller. Whether it is bringing a play to life, writing these experiences down for you, Kind Reader, retelling a joke, trying to write a play of my own (that one is harder than expected. 😂), choreographing a dance or making a candle, everything I do is about creating stories.

The Crucible was a very well written story. As I read it before rehearsals began, my mood shifted from WTF to annoyance to anger then to sadness and the Santayana phrase popped in my head “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Boy, have we repeated time and again!

I can’t fathom how anyone can read this play and not be angered by it, which is why I say it has a fury in its build. The ease with which one can spark an inferno with merely a false word still happens and logic gets buried in the manure. On the flip side of the coin, how can you not be saddened by it, because we haven’t learned that lesson yet. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. What happens when it is the 10th or 20th time? Now we are just willfully ignorant, right?

But I have gotten off track, Dear Reader. This role has made me sit and stew on things way more than I used to. Don’t know if it is a good or bad thing, yet. I will keep you posted on that.

Thank you, Gentle Reader for your patience and for letting me depress you as I tell you pretty much nothing about my experience on The Crucible. I am having trouble processing it because it really made me feel everything. I was excited, proud, happy, sad, depressed but I think most importantly, now I feel anxious. What if that is that is the peak and so many what if’s that I have yet to think through.

Maybe my next role will drag me out of this gloom and doom mindset. Time will tell.

Until next time, please be safe and aware and take care of yourself and those you care about.

❤️

🎼Say What You Wanna Say, And Let The Words Fall Out, Honestly, I Wanna See You Be Brave…🎶

Hello Gentle Reader!

It has been a great few weeks.

I am having a period of time that I am not fully accustomed to and instead of analyzing it, I am just trying to accept and grow with it.

You know how there are things that you know you can do, but you haven’t had a chance to show people? It feels like I can relax my shoulders more and take bigger breaths for the moment.

For those that haven’t seen the Instagram post, I have been given the opportunity to bring to life the character of John Proctor in Arthur Miller’s classic The Crucible! A dramatic role has been offered to moi? For the last decade and a half I have wanted to have a shot at something serious or even something dark. Aside from the Leading Player in Pippin, I have never had the chance to play with darker moments of shows. Weeelllll, I guess West Side Story… twice… So after I worked for Pear Theatre in their anthology of original works last year, I had a bigger yearning to do something serious because it felt so good to play these characters that felt mature and more solidly grounded (one was an absent father, another was a hurricane survivor trying to rebuild their home with his wife) than what I usually play.

I almost, ALMOST, let my own doubts and fear get to me and keep me from attending the callbacks or round 2 of auditions, for those that aren’t familiar. Not even doubts about my ability to do any of the roles in this play, but doubts about whether it would be a traditionally cast production. The play is about a small town of Puritans in the 1690’s during the Witch Trials near Salem, Massachusetts, so I was debating if it was just going to be a waste of time to go.

I changed my work schedule specifically for this reason so even though one of my doubts was that I would never make it on time to rehearsals, I already had planned for this. Then, I thought about the time that I was offered a really cool role of a Devil by a casting director of a show but had the director say that they were going to split the role into 3 parts and I would play the aspect that was more energetic and movement based. That brought up some bad vibes for a bit but then I thought about how I stood up for myself and agreed that the contract I signed would be broken and I wanted a new one. Since they wouldn’t give me a new contract, they just paid me for the role and released me from the contract as if completed. It was fine by me. I was a little mad at first, but I was paid in full and “won” the “argument.” I didn’t expect to get a check in the mail. LOL. But that was a very important lesson to learn.

But, Dear Reader, I went and did the thing!

And even though I wondered if I made the right choices or strong enough choices to embody the script once I was released from the room, I felt great that I just powered through that fear. I know that I had said a few lines wrong and I think it may have thrown off the actors I was working with. The intent was the same but the wrong cue line is kind of a bummer. So I did feel bad about that. Man, can you imagine? I said “You shall not speak of my wife!” instead of “You shall not speak of Elizabeth!” and the surprise made the other actor not get the part? Oh, I would feel so bad! I hope that didn’t happen.

So, yeah, the thing was done.

The other thing is that I have been working with a vocal coach sporadically. We have a bit of trouble syncing our schedules, but there is a comfortability and a trust that I have with them that makes the sessions feel like all these little light bulbs of knowledge are lighting up. Recently, some shows were announced that I thought, “YES! I want to be a part of that!” So I found an audition song that I think would be fantastic for one of them. My coach usually stops our warm ups at about an A but this song’s ending has a great phrase of just hopping from E to G’s and then popping up higher for the ending. He says “Ok, let’s give this a go” after we worked through any sort of rhythmic or diction issues. So I sing it like I will be singing it at auditions and he just stares at me for a few seconds.

“Where the hell have you been hiding that B? At full voice?!”

He was excited about how easy the E-G phrase was to do and then to blast out that ending made him wide eyed. 😂

He said he is looking forward to the next session because of this new information and we have yet to really dig in to falsetto, so I don’t know how much higher I can actually go.

Kind Reader, I have always been hesitant to say I can sing. I know what I can do, but I feel like my sound is more like a sing in the shower kind of sound. Since I started these sessions, I do feel like I have grown as a vocalist. I still hesitate to say, I’m a singer so I will just say, give me a bucket and I can carry a tune. 😂

With all of this new input and outcomes, I am a little mad at myself for being afraid or for choosing self sabotage (because let’s face it, I did choose it) when I know that these are things that I can do. I started to spiral out thinking about all the chances not taken and what my projects would have looked like and would I have been more confident because of it. However, on the other side of the coin, many of the projects that I did work on are like little treasures to me. Maybe this was the lesson I was supposed to learn?

I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Well, Gentle Reader, I cannot say thank you enough for letting me bend your ear once again. I have already been considering trying a new tactic for helping me associate how I feel about the different characters, but first I have to see if I can match up all of them, then I will let you know how it goes.

Until next time, stay safe and alert and be kind to yourself and those around you.

❤️

🎼I Hope You’re Happy, But Don’t Be Happier … 🎶

Hello Gentle Reader!

This past Sunday was the annual broadcast of the Oscar Awards. Celebrities dressed in their fancy clothes and strutted across a red carpet and were pampered and adored by the press and fans worldwide.

Did you watch them? I watched them and found them to be much more interesting and surprising than years’ past. I was entertained by most of the performances and Jimmy Kimmel’s bits. There were a couple of moments I used the fast forward feature on the DVR. 😄

Something has come out of this year’s award show that is sad and frankly, in my opinion, childish. Creating yet another tarnish on this night that is supposed to be a celebration. 💔

What happened to the days of “It is an honor just being nominated” and putting on a fake smile or genuine I am not judging (because let’s face it, most people don’t get into acting for the awards, those are just a bonus).

There is a a whole bunch of people having temper tantrums because Jamie Lee Curtis took home the trophy instead of Angela Bassett or Stephanie Hsu. 😔

Don’t mistake me, I LOVE and ADORE Angela Bassett as much as I do JLC. I enjoyed both of them in their respective roles and throughout their amazing careers. I also really enjoyed Stephanie Hsu in her role.

I completely understand Ms. Bassett’s reaction at not winning the trophy. Personally, I think she should have won for “What’s Love Got To Do With It” but Holly Hunter took the trophy that year for “The Piano.” It is a little disappointing to lose awards especially when you feel like you put everything into your role.

The thing about these awards is that to get nominated is a big deal. It is an endorsement of the work that was done. Dear Reader, I can feel you thinking “Duh! We all know that,” but being a nominee also means that each of these people are deserving of the award. Just because the person that takes the award wasn’t someone that everyone was expecting or hoping for, doesn’t mean we should try and discredit the win.

Some people cry that JLC didn’t have as much screen time as Stephanie Hsu, so that would make her less worthy. Anne Hathaway won her Best Supporting for Les Miserables and she was only in the movie for 15 minutes. 15 MINUTES!

It isn’t about the amount of time the person is on the screen. What is more important to consider is how important the character is to the plot.

There are others that are saying because Angela Bassett had to also battle through the grief of Chadwick Boseman’s death while filming. It is heartbreaking to think about and moving and they do a remarkable job paying tribute to him, but what if he hadn’t died and the script was still the same? Would this make her performance less worthy? Hell no, because this is Angela friggin Bassett! However, this also does not mean that she is the shoe in for the award.

If you look at the entirety of the season, all the awards have been scattered among the people showing how great all of these performances were. Not only were the performances great, but they were so varied as well.

The BAFTA went to Kerry Condon for “Banshees of Inisherin”

The Golden Globe went to Angela Bassett for “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever”

The SAG went to Jamie Lee Curtis for “Everything, Everywhere All At Once”

The Critic’s Choice went to Angela Bassett for “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever”

The only sure bet, I feel, was Ke Huy Quan for “Everything Everywhere All At Once” which YAY!!! So happy for him. 💓

Can we please put to bed the terrible hashtag that Angela Bassett was robbed? Did she win, no. Did she deserve to win? Yes. BUT so did Jamie Lee Curtis. That is why they were nominated!

Regardless of what happens to their careers in the future, one thing I know is that I will still happily watch their work because I think they are so talented. 👏👏👏

With that, Dear Reader, I shall step off of my soap box now. Thank you for letting me bend your ear. What are your thoughts on this whole issue?

Thank you for reading this rant. Until next time, I will have some news about a new project that I can’t announce the cast for yet… Stay safe and alert and be kind to yourself and those around you.

❤️