Clutch The Pearls, Daphne!

AKA Man, I Wish Someone Was Filming Part 3

she clutches the pearls

Hello Dear Reader!

I hope you are safe and heathy. I wanted to complete this Fabulous Fails series because I can use a laugh. Also, it will lead me into my next planned post.

When I think about this fail, I actually laugh out loud. I laugh because there was a string of things that happened in that performance.

Also, let me just make sure to say this little announcement before I continue: While I am saying I wish someone recorded these performances, I know that it is illegal to record performances due to copyright laws.

Anyway, let’s get on with the story!

The year was 2013.
The role: Jerry/Daphne
The show was the very funny Sugar.

If you haven’t heard of the show, Sugar is the musical version of the Billy Wilder movie Some Like It Hot with Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis. The story centers around 2 down and out musicians that witness a mob hit and find themselves on the run and join an all-female band to hide. Even though, Tony Curtis is technically billed before Lemmon, his character is a big ass bully in this that I listed them by respect. LOL.

Oh, Gentle Reader, on this particular night, so many things went wrong that I wondered if the someone had said the Scottish play in the theatre. (It’s bad luck to say Macbeth in the theatre.)

At the start of the night, in my very first costume as Daphne, the persona Jerry takes whilst hiding in the band, I put on a string of pearls. As I start to leave the dressing room to run around to the opposite side of the stage for my entrance, the necklace catches on the corner of the makeup table and breaks. Ugh! Luckily it was only in the dressing room. No big.
At this point of the fail in the show, the mob hit has been witnessed, Daphne and Josephine become pat of the all-female band, the two meet Sugar (played beautifully by the charming Jessica Ellithorpe), Josephine/Joe, falls in love with her, there is a party in Daphne’s bunk in the overnight train to Florida *cheese fight*, Sugar confides to Josephine about falling for saxophone players (which Josephine plays) and is going to Florida to marry a millionaire, Daphne is pursued by a retired handsy, real millionaire, Osgood, Joe takes advantage of the situation to woo Sugar, Osgood invites Daphne to dinner on the yacht but Joe hijacks the invite for himself and Sugar…

So here we are. I am ready for my big date with Osgood. I am in this shimmery white dress, which I hate, because I hate wearing that color. I know, I know, white is the absence of color. My blonde wig, looks meh, which is because it doesn’t work with my skin tone so that kinda makes the buying I am a lady a bit funnier. I mean, CLEARLY there is something wrong there. LOL! In the second scene in Act 2, I walk into the scene as Sugar is finishing her conversation with the band manager, fixing my wig and straightening my dress making sure I look lovely.

Sugar: … You must have some hot date tonight! (she walks up to me)

Daphne: Yeah. Hot. (i do a little twirl to let her see the dress)

Sugar: Me, too! With Junior. (I remember inhaling and was excited for her “big date” I think I covered my mouth or clapped my hands and as I did, the bracelet of diamonds or pearls I was given snapped! I know my hands were at least up because as I heard all these little gems fall to the floor in a sound that seemed like they landed EVERYWHERE, I felt a few fall inside the sleeves of the dress. The audience was surprised and laughed, but I think it was more of a nervous laughter. My big eyes must have popped out of my head!! I recall Jessica and I both looked down at the floor and trying not to laugh. I felt like Gaga in the Bad Romance video where she has all the gems around her… just, I wasn’t so fancy…

iu-3

(Jessica totally soldiered on:)

Sugar: He called and asked me to meet him at the dock right after the show. (I feel like I was still checking the floor because I literally said “Oh no” after the line. I hear the audience laugh but not due to nervousness. I knew I needed to do a little bit of dancing in a few moments, and I had dropped character slightly right then. I think I threw her off with that, so I added, “That’s exciting!” Which I immediately know was not helpful, so I tried to jump a little bit in the script. I take a step to Jessica and I hear more jewels fall. Just a couple. The audience is laughing again. Now it’s actually funny.) ~~Hey what’s wrong with Josephine? She didn’t even say good-night — she just took off, running like a jack-rabbit.~~

~~Daphne: What she needs is a bicycle.~~

~~Sugar: Is anything wrong?~~

Daphne: No, no — she’s just late getting down to the naval base– ( I don’t even think I say this line right. Each step I take, a few more gems fall out of my dress and the audience is giggling with each one. Jessica starts to laugh but is holding it in. I remember seeing her shoulders bounce and that is totally enough for me to break character and I laugh a little too. Which makes the audience laugh even more. I talked about being late, but for some reason, I think I kept saying he instead of she because we were supposed to be talking about Josephine but the last bit of conversation was about Junior who was Joe’s name for the fake millionaire. Ugh!)

Sugar: Naval base — Josephine?

Daphne: Oh yes, (At this point, I think “surely there can’t be any more to fall.” HA!) every night (*drop… drop.. drop..*) she stands at the gate, (*drop… drop..*) waiting for the sailors to come out. But never mind her (*drop.. drop.. drop…*) — tell me about your date. (bursts of laughter)

Sugar: Gosh, can you imagine? Sugar Kowalczyk from Sandusky, Ohio, actually having supper on a millionaire’s yacht — just like Joan Crawford in “Untamed,” Gee, if my mother could only see me know! (She exits during the last part of the line and she is giggling while she says it, which make me giggle too. But just a tiny one.)

Osgood: Yoo hoo — Daphne!

Daphne: I hope my mother never sees me. ( I use this as a chance to focus back in so I shake off the moment before and wouldn’t you know it?! *drop*) LOL.

Then Osgood sings this lovely song called “Beautiful Through and Through.” In this number, I have to do a grapevine over the broken bracelet, which is on stage left, and back to the other side of the stage. No accident! YAY!! Then we have this sort of waltz and the actor playing Osgood didn’t really dance, so he is stepping in the same direction as I waltz and we have to go into danger zone. Again, we are safe and cross back to the right side of the stage and I dance around him a little more. Next he is supposed to “fling” me toward stage left and the jewels so I can do 4 chainè turns and remarkably, I am okay! Counting my lucky stars for sure at this point! We make it through the number and into the safety of the wings. Whew! Crisis averted! The next scene is just Junior and Sugar, but Osgood and I come on at the end in a reprise of “Beautiful…” and that leads into Scene 4. At this point, I am thinking the worst is past. there isn’t going to be anymore funny business.

And that’s my favorite fail, Dear Reader! Now, it may not have been as funny as the bean bag pop or the mustache mishap. This is my fave because when I think about it to this day, I still laugh. Now, here’s a little bonus and what starts me off laughing about the whole run of this show.

Scene 4 starts with me singing “Magic Nights” and announcing to Joe, once he arrives that I am engaged! There is a little bit of dialogue and during that little bit of chatter, I grab these maracas that are conveniently on the dresser and begin to sing again. Well it just so happens that Joe (played by one funny dude, Leslie Lamke) is sitting on the bed. I never considered myself to have a very long reach, and I am very good with my spacial awareness. It’s just that I didn’t factor in what my reach would be like holding maracas. So I am singing my song and at the end of a phrase, I reach out and feel my maraca meet with resistance whilst hearing a LOUD hollow thunk! I had smacked poor Les in the head! I tried not to think about it and continue on. Sing, sing sing and strike a po…THUNK!! I hit him again!!! LOL! In my head, right now, I can hear that hollow wooden smack clear as day and I laugh!! I felt SO SO bad when it happened and made sure to apologize to Les as soon as we were in the dressing room. But it still makes me laugh! Hahaha. I think there was one other night that i hit him. Poor fella. He is a great guy and didn’t hold it against me. I didn’t dare look at him, because 1. there wasn’t time since it was a song and 2. it would have pulled me out of the scene.

Because of this bonus fail, the whole bunch of mini fails during Sugar makes this my favorite fail.

I hope, Gentle Reader, that this gave you a smile or a laugh. I met some truly magnificent people in this show and love when I have the chance to share the stage with them. I do hope that the chance comes again very soon.

I hope you are enjoying your days and treating yourself well. Until next time, Lovely Reader…

Who’s the pretty girl in that mirror there?

Pop Goes The Bean Bag!

popped bean bag cartoon

AKA: Man, I Wish Someone Was Filming: PART 2

Hello Gentle Reader!

Welcome back to hear about my fabulous fails that ended up making delightful memories.😜

Today’s fail is my second favorite. The reason it isn’t my first fave is ONLY because the show itself is SO funny and even if this fail didn’t happen, the audience still would have enjoyed the show.

Let’s go back to 2015, Dear Reader. The show is Boeing Boeing. The role is Robert Lambert.❤️

Show summary: Well-To-Do bachelor, Bernard gets a visit from small town friend from college, Robert. Bernard reveals he has 3 fiancés who are all international airline attendants on different airlines and their paths never cross. Or do they?

11650727_10206209033362167_469104043_n — I loved that painting!!!! Those were some stiff shoes and I am pointing my toes so hard RN!!! Me and Berthe (Christine McElroy)

The story so far: Bernard and Gloria (the American) are having breakfast when Robert shows up. After Gloria leaves for her flight, Bernard tells of his love life: 3 fiancés with two days spent together each week and their paths don’t cross. Bernard invites Robert to stay with him and tells him that Gretchen (the German) will be having dinner with them before continuing on her flight, but first, Gabriella (the Italian) will be incoming for lunch. There is a large scene between Robert and the housemaid, Berthe, at the top of Act 2, that really sets up the forthcoming physical comedy of the rest of the play. Arriving much earlier than scheduled, Gretchen and Robert meet while Bernard is out and he is totally smitten with her. She storms off to her bedroom in exasperation and as she does, enter Gabriella and Bernard! Gabriella is now on a turbo jet and doesn’t have to leave until tomorrow. I recall how much the energy ramped up at this point as the dialogue goes back and forth much faster and I am jumping all over that stage and I pretend to be a tree in the wind and a bunny on a meadow… Robert convinces Bernard and Gabriella to spend a romantic night in the countryside leaving Gretchen in the apartment with Robert and Berthe. So far, so good! But a call comes in saying that Gloria is on her way back because there is a storm. And that’s where we find my fabulous fail… (I kinda wish I had did this as a vlog, because they way I wrote the paragraph above should try and be read in one big breath to get the sense of the chaos of the show, but you wouldn’t know that.)

Version 2 — Same scene as the “incident”, but on a different night. See? I am already a mess from running, jumping, squatting and falling in the first 2 acts. Me and Gloria’s (Heather Bass) finger

Top of Act 3, after dinner together, Robert accidentally offends Gretchen and she storms off for a walk but not before beating on him with her purse, which gets left behind. A mini-scene between Robert and Berthe sets up the entrance for Gloria. As she walks in, Robert notices Gretchen’s Lufthansa bag and Berthe intercepts Gloria.

This is the stage direction in the script: “(Berthe turns Gloria away from Robert. Robert throws the bean bag chair with himself on it to hide the Lufthansa bag in front of Door #1)” We liked it, so we went with it! 😆

Now, my Lovely Reader, I am a chunky monkey, thick like molasses, and apparently reckless! LOL! So as the following happened, so too did my fail:

GLORIA. Hi! (Played amazingly by Heather Bass, waves to me)

ROBERT. Hi! (Big eyed and overly toothy smile, I wave back “There’s nothing weird here at all ” of course I don’t say it, that’s my inner dialogue. LOL!)

BERTHE. Good evening, Mademoiselle. (Christine McElroy was perfect as Berthe BTW’s. She takes Gloria as she is saying her line and leads her a step away from the bag)

As Christine shifts Heather over, I grabbed the bean bag, tossed it on the purse and jumped over it to sit facing the audience.

Weeeeeeellllll…

When I landed, there was a distinct and audible, PFFFFT! 💨and suddenly I noticed there were little pellet type things all over my legs. I could feel my feet slipping out from under me and I knew the bag popped. Well, that and the hysterical laughter that was coming from the audience was a big clue too!

Here I am on this popped bag, the audience is dying of laughter, Christine and Heather are being amazingly professional, and waiting for the die down to happen, all while maintaining character. If it were me, I would have been DYING!!! Anyway, from has been told to me, the hole was in the vicinity of my bits and pieces. (That sounds terrible when I read it back… Imma leave it tho.) When I landed the bag shifted slightly and I wasn’t really centered and ‘comfortable” on the bag, so as though nothing were wrong or out of the ordinary, I try to get my feet back under me to reposition myself. Each movement cause a new spewing of little rabbit turds to pop out of the bag which is under my bum so it looks like I am popping them out not the bag and the audience launches into another fit of laughter. Mind you, I didn’t know where the hole was at the time, I was only told of it after, which makes me actually laugh when I think about it. Wait… laughter subsides…

Gloria and Berthe have a few lines of dialogue before, Heather as Gloria makes her way over to me, who is cool as a cucumber and says:

GLORIA. And how have you got on since I left this morning? (LAUGHTER)

ROBERT. It’s been quite dull really (LAUGHTER)

GLORIA. Cosy here, isn’t it? Home sweet home. Everything’s so calm. (BIG LAUGH!!)

ROBERT. Calm yes? Really calm isn’t it, Berthe? ( BIG LAUGH!! Remember each little movement i make has me rabbit poopping bean bag beans…)

BERTHE. Calm as calm can be. (Christine’s deadpan perfectly delivers the killer blow for this whole mess and the audience explodes with laughter and applause.)

I could only hear Christine but since Heather was much closer to me and looking down at me, I got to see her struggle with maintaining a straight face whilst I was playing the laziest version of Peter Cottontail. 👀😄😂

If I remember correctly, bean bag beans were found constantly on the set during the run. I felt bad that the bag popped because it meant funds had to be spent to repair and refill, but grateful that it happened early in the run with a big audience and we had nearly a sold out run because it was a funny show. Even without the beans!

Oh, Gentle Reader, I hope I conveyed that story better than the last, and I hope it brought a smile to your face. When I think back on that moment, I get a pretty good laugh out of it. That show is one of my more cherished plays. Not only was the script funny as all get out, but the cast fit the characters and got along so well and it was easy to get lost in my character. For the director, Kevin, I cannot say “thank you” enough. 💖 And thanks for the pictures! It reminds me it really happened.

Until next time, my Dear Reader…

Man! I Wish Someone Was Filming…

laughing audience

Hello Gentle Reader,

There aren’t many instances when I wish someone was recording a night’s production performance. Especially since, as I have mentioned before, I don’t like being in front of cameras.

I would like to share 3 or 4 of my spectacular fails that turned into big laughs. I say 3 or 4 because, 2 happened in the same show, so I don’t know if that counts as a single incident. In the next few posts, I want to share them to maybe bring you a smile. 😄 Fingers crossed.

I don’t know how to rate them, because they were all belly busters and hard to not ham up. I am going to share them in order of what makes me smile the most when I think back on the incidents. So, Dear Reader, let’s start off with a smaller smile incident.

The show was Crazy For You way back in 2014. The role is Bobby Child.

Imagine if you will, Kind Reader, this super sweaty actor wearing layered costumes and we are on the second to last scene for Act 1. Prior to this point, there have been at least 4 dance numbers (K-Ra-Zy For You, I Can’t Be Bothered Now, Shall We Dance, Slap That Bass) so I am a hot mess. Dripping with salt water and makeup, I know my face is getting oily. CURSE YOU COMBINATION SKIN!!!! Oh, AND it is summertime. 🌞!!😓

C4U_0066+copy

Anyway! Back to the moment. If you don’t know the show: Bobby is a NY young guy that loves the theatre. Musical Theatre in particular. Typically, cast as a caucasian, so my caramel colored ass was surprised that I was offered the part, but I digress… 😵

Bobby Child works for a bank and the is going to Nevada as a representative to deal with an upcoming foreclosure. It turns out that the foreclosure is for a theatre that belongs to Polly who he falls in love with, and her father. They have a notice saying to expect Bobby, so when Bobby finally introduces himself, it goes all wrong. He then has a brilliant idea to dress up as a famous director, Bela Zangler, to put on a show, help save the theatre, and win Polly over. That brings us to the point at which “the incident” happens. The big thing to note is that Zangler has a mustache that Bobby does not…

Polly ends up crushing on faux Bela during “Slap That Bass” and pursues him during her song “Embraceable You” at the end of the scene. As she is making her advances, Bobby is trying to divert her affections from himself as Zangler to Bobby in the midst her singing. One performance, it was so hot outside that the mustache glue wouldn’t hold (ok, who am I kidding? It hardly ever held but at least I could fake it and push it back on most of the time). Polly, brilliantly played by the amazing Fiona Condon, sings out to the audience and then turns to Zangler in her saucy advances, I usually would press the mustache on while she looks away. At one point, I counter and cross her to just past the opposite side of center stage and I try pressing the fake hair back on, but it comes off in my hand! I know that the glue is officially a lost cause. ACK! I need to find a way to keep the mustache in place when she spins me around so the only thing I can think to do is to lean way back like a frug dancer from Fosse’s famous Sweet Charity number. It is obvious to everyone in the audience that the glue is lost at this point, but Fiona doesn’t let that phase her one bit! Such a pro, she is. I can hear the audience laughing as she is singing and I can’t focus on her words because all I am thinking is “Shit! Shit! Shit! It’s not gonna hold!” At the end of the number, Polly plants a big ol’ kiss on Zangler and as she pulls me to her, the mustache slips into prime position and it is a big salty gluey flavored smackaroo. Just a whole number of me trying to keep that stupid thing on in different ways, there was some face slapping at one point, but none were more ridiculous than the “hairtoss.” When I couldn’t press the darned thing back on, I had to do a head toss to try and get it to “hop” back in place. Imagine a beautiful lady singing a beautiful song beautifully juxtaposed with a panicked sweaty oaf, trying to play it cool as he tries to keep a mustache from falling off of his face while trying to keep it on the sly.

I still have that monstrosity. Somewhere.😆

Looking back on that moment in the show always makes me smile and chuckle a little. Oh, Gentle Reader, if only someone had filmed that, you would see the most glorious madness. I hope I told that story vividly enough that you get to imagine the absurdity of the moment and it makes you smile. Even if it is just a little, that is a win!

Until next time, Dear Reader, I hope you are doing well and keep safe! The next one really did need a video. I couldn’t believe it when the director told the the stage picture that we had… 😜

🎼🎶Want Your Bad Romance🎶…

Hello Gentle Reader,

As COVID-19 virus is running through most of the world, people and businesses have adapted to survive. People started following the shelter in place suggestions. Restaurants have focused on to-go orders or take out only. Stores that are open have been asking for people to wear masks and stay 6 feet apart. Theatre companies have turned to streaming content to share performances.

WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Wait! What? NO! Whhyyyyyyyy-uh? I am sure that I have mentioned it about a hundred times that I am camera-shy. No, shy is not the right word. Resistant. YES! That is much better suited to my detestations toward the lens of a camera. Mind you, I don’t mind taking pictures of others; in fact, I love it. I just don’t like to be in front of a camera.

It is just so dead and lifeless. There is no spark of energy to interact with it. It is like trying to get a reaction from a wall. Nothing to feed off of. It is just kinda gross to me, to be blatantly honest. That’s why I don’t really do selfies or make videos on other platforms. I have been advised to do so, but… *shudder* It is INDEED going to be a “bad romance.” I don’t really want it, but I gotsta learn to live with it.

{SIDENOTE: I just watched a crap ton of videos from Tik Tok users that have some creepy stuff in them, so now I have that rolling around in my melon too. I know! I know, there is nothing creepy in my home, but… *shudder*}

Anyway, with things going more and more digital, I suppose I must get over my resistance to la lens; that’s spanish for lens. [☜ That was a lame attempt at a joke.] I don’t know how I will do that, but I started with getting one of ☝︎ those illumination donuts, as my home is rather dark. It is one thing to film a production that has a live audience, but to “act” just with a camera seems so counter-intuitive to the whole business of theatre.

My Dear Reader, thank you for letting me bend your ear and share my apprehensions about this luster circle and the need for it; being in front of a camera. Next, I have to find a decent camera. I checked out the camera on my laptop and whew doggie, it is rough. YIKES! My phone has a pretty good one, but I would like to have the ability to see multi-angles and such. I figure if I have to do it, I should try to fully commit. Right? No, seriously, is that right? { 😏Another joke.}

I don’t know if it will transform into anything, but I shall keep you posted nonetheless.

Thanks again, Kind Reader. In this crazy time of social distancing, mental health awareness, physical health awareness, you are a wonderful source of light. Like a star 😊

Until next time…

When It’s Dark, Look For The Stars…

Dear Gentle Reader,

I hope this finds you in good health and spirits!

At the start of this crisis, I told myself that this would be a great time to do all the things that I felt I didn’t have time to do. Ha-ha, yeah, right.

By the end of the first week, I could feel a suffocation building. You see, there were a lot of things that I was in the middle of and leaving them unfinished would prove to weigh heavily on my psyche. My team and I were placed on furlough in early March. The company that holds the contract to the location we are located was up for renewal this year and we still didn’t know the status. We didn’t know if we would be employed when it was time to come back to work. I was in the middle of interviewing for a new job that would have incredible effects on my life and present new challenges that I was looking forward to. With hiring frozen, there went that possibility for now. In mid-April, I found out the company I am with lost their contract. Now it became a question of would we be invited to join the new company or would my team be up a creek?

Couple this stuff with the health issues of some of my loved ones. My job, while sending me on furlough, was kind enough to continue to pay for my health benefits which was an unbelievable kindness that I will never forget. The reason it meant so much to me was because my hubby (who continued to work) is still dealing with his cancer which we hadn’t told many people about and we are both covered under my company. Every day, I am constantly checking in with him to see how he feels. I almost feel like a mom. LOL! So a massive cloud was building over this one issue. My mother and sister both work in nursing homes and I have seen both catch colds from people there. I know it isn’t intentional and I feel for all involved, but I would worry about what could happen if one of them came home with the virus? My dad is suffering from dementia and his health isn’t all that great as it is and it takes a lot to push away those thoughts. My good friend, Tom, works in a place that is considered essential and I worry about his health as well.

I had nightmares that ended up with me alone in strange places when I was once surrounded by people and places that were familiar several nights a week. This put my sleep cycle into something much more severe chaos than mere insomnia. What did these dreams mean? I know some people think they mean nothing but to each their own.

I would try to distract myself with projects but eventually, those thoughts would come back and take over, so I would move on to something new but once again, Dear Reader, came the worries. It seemed like every”where” I would run to, I was followed by these lingering thoughts that would bloom into storms of worry. My eyes would flash with tears and my blood would pound in my ears like inescapable thunder. For weeks. Finally, I sat down in the middle of the “rain” and just surrendered. So I wrote to you, Kind Reader.

When I set out to do something, I typically get it done or I get a version of it done that I can live with for now. However, when I don’t do it, I engage in a lot of negative self talk and frustration with myself. I wish I can tell you how all the things that I didn’t get to do or complete have contributed to that typhoon of depression and anxiety.

I know that it can never rain forever. I know this. I know that no single feeling will last forever. Once this virus is under control, I would feel better. Then something happened. When I focused on that one little fact, “it will not be forever” (It just feels like it.) the rain lightened up a little. Each day that my love came home and was feeling fine, it lightened up a bit more. Then, one day the doctor said that the immunotherapy seems to be doing some good and the rain stopped. After that, I found out that most of my team was going to be moved to the new company that won the contract. In fact, I just signed my offer letter today! The nightmares have stopped. When I check in with my mom I find she and my dad are doing great. I don’t think the worry was needless or irrational or unwarranted, but I am surprised at how deeply it sank its snare into me. I thought I would be on social media so much more than I am currently, but all I could handle was a text thread between my siblings and nieces and my besties. I would pop in every couple of days, but it was all just an attempt to distract myself and not to connect. It is rough. It WAS rough. I think now that things are evening out, I may be back on more. Fingers crossed.

I feel like I will be back to normalish soon whether or not the shelter in place orders are lifted. Until then, I will keep looking up.

Do you ever notice that when you look up and see the stars they glitter their little hello’s, but when to look past them, more come into view? Like you are getting closer to those far away balls of light?

If you, Gentle Reader, are finding that this shelter in place and social distancing is getting you down and need to talk about it, drop me a line! If you feel like you need help, reach out to NAMI.ORG or you can call them at 800.950.NAMI or text “NAMI” to 741741.

Again, we are all in this together. Be kind to yourself and to others. Be alert and be safe.

Until next time….