Hello Gentle Reader!!

I hope you are well. With only 3 more performances to go, I find that the idea of having time back to myself is levitating me as I move through space. There is a sense of joy and fear.

Joy for all the things that I want to try and fear because what if I can’t return to this same level? But in the end, I have spent so much time putting off things that I have wanted to learn and finally decided that if not now, when?

In the past, when I “planned” for time off and I would get a call asking to see me, I would oblige with the idea that I was only using auditions to keep skills in check. Then when casting would call, I would have an internal struggle of should I or shouldn’t I. Clearly, in the end I always should-ed.

However, this time around feels different. I feel more mentally in tune, and sure of myself that this is the right thing to do. I have already been asked to consider looking at a show and I politely declined. I am not even going to give myself an opportunity where I would be tempted.

Dear Reader, have you ever put yourself in situations with one mindset only to find that it created an internal struggle? What did you do? In the end, did you keep your original intention? I am curious as to how often we put ourselves in these kind of situations and the outcome becomes something that sticks with you through life because of the experience. I am not so much thinking about how the experience affected, but the idea of that intention you had and whether you discovered something new in that little inner conflict.

I have been wondering how these little battles within myself have changed my perspectives, colored my choices and what that does for my process when I think about the characters I play. Is every little battle in that character evident? How far back do I need to go when I build this backstory and how will that color the world the character sees?

When I am looking at characters, I build a backstory, but this new idea has sprung in my head that has my curiosity just tickled so I have been contemplating how I personally have been informed by this.

In any case, Kind Reader, it is just 6 more hours until I begin the prep for the final weekend of performances. As always, I thank you for spending a few minutes to read my ramblings. I would love to know if you have ever thought about what these mini conflicts do to your view of the world. I always kind of just shrugged it off, but it was pointed out to me that more and more lately, I have had moments where that battle comes up and comes up big.

Until the next time, stay safe and alert and take care of yourself and those you care about.

❤️