Hey Gentle Reader 👋,
Wow! What a whirlwind the last two weeks it has been! (Well, by now, it has been more like 3.) You see, a few weeks ago, a friend approached me to workshop an original work. I have started writing this post several times because I am not sure what I can say.
Let me preface this WHOLE post by saying I honestly believe I have a type of imposter syndrome. I can’t say for sure that the end result is I fear I will be found as a fraud. I think it is more like I fear that I cannot live up to my “reputation.” I don’t even know where that came from. I just try to do my best and find the humanity in my characters and go from there. So I guess it IS a fear of being seen a fraud. Anyway…
Can I just say I went through a gamut of emotions between the moment of initiation and the past weekend? At first, there was shock. Then, anxiety decided to stop by, followed by fear, excitement, and finally curiosity. And of course anxiety, again. This was all just from the initial ask! The excitement returned when the welcome email came through. I have never had the opportunity to do something like this before.
When I got the script, I began to wonder if I was the right person for the job. Aside from being comedy relief, I was not who I would think of upon first read. However, I have learned that reading a script once is not the best way to see what it was the casting director saw in that role to make them think of you. So I reread the script 3 more times.
I found small details that I could latch on to to build this character and make him fully realized with what I can bring to the table.
There was only a few days to analyze and one week to rehearse before we had to put this on its feet so I had to work as fast as I could. The catch, it had music to learn! Now, you, Dear Reader, might say, “so, it’s a musical, you’ve done those. What’s the big deal?”
Well, the thing about the musicals that I have done, they were established already. This show didn’t have sheet music yet! It didn’t have anything that I could reference or listen to to get a feel for the rhythms. I have mentioned several times that the singing side of performing is what I feel the least confident about, so, to not have the music to plunk out my notes brought back all the self doubt that I had.
The first day we all got to be in the same room was like a breath of fresh air. Sharing the energy of the others in the cast was a long missed feeling and I just loved it. This coincidentally was the same day we learned all the music for the show. Our assistant director and vocal director was one of the amazing cast members of the SmoJo’s from early 2019 that I wouldn’t shut up about because I was so proud of these artists. I was already floored by this talented fella, but to watch him listen to a piece of music and pop out harmonies for all the different vocal groups blew my mind. His musical acuity is just amazing to me. Even though, this was a new type of challenge for me, I absolutely enjoyed the process.
We did the scene work over Zoom which was quick and easy. Then, we had 2 days to put it all together and present.
The whole project was exciting and I was shocked that there was no point while working that my anxiety or fear popped into my head. I was really surprised when I stopped and thought about it. I am so grateful that I know now I can invite fear and anxiety to the party but letting them know they are not the host.
The experience has left me on a bit of a Cloud 9 and filled with much needed artistic happiness. I still hum the songs. LOL!
Well, Kindest Reader, I don’t know about you, but I am really thrilled at little discoveries like this. Have you ever had a kind of epiphany that teaches you something about yourself? How did it change your views going forward? Let me know in the comments.
Until next time, I hope you get a chance to gather with those you love safely. I CAN’T WAIT TO HUG MY FRIENDS OR YOU IF WE MEET!!! 😂😂😂
❤️
The Actorvist 