On Wednesday night, I got a text from my partner saying he was heading to the hospital ER because of stabbing pains in the kidneys.   I was on my way to rehearsal and we open in 8 days.

I had to learn the lesson of “the show must go on.”  I had tried calling three times, but due to the hospitals wireless blockage, there wasn’t a way to get a hold of him.  I had to be as professional as I could and I really felt that, even though the staff said I could head to the hospital, the first rehearsal with the orchestra was important.  I did mention to the stage manager the situation and that I may rush out to take a call.  Every one was super understanding and I was as present as I could possibly be during the sitzprobe.

Now, I know some of you may think that the choice I took was selfish or unloving.  In this type of situation, a performer needs to pull everything together and do the job we are paid to do.  It goes double if there is no understudy for your role.

Thankfully, it is just pneumonia and I say that with the full understanding of how potentially fatal that is.  My relief that he is a fairly healthy middle aged fella and the stats for that age range show a lower risk of death due to illness unless there is some sort of auto-immune disease, like HIV.

It was difficult to sleep through the night but at some point I managed to have a dream.

An aunt that I haven’t seen in ages is basically giving me a tour of her house.  We started off in the backyard where there is a crap ton of wood and cabinets.  It’s a mess but there is a lot of room.  She is showing me all this stuff like “Oh this is where we do this,” very tour-like.  We begin walking inside and she’s just chatting away asking about what I have been up to since we last spoke and tells me her life.  It is the weirdest feeling to know that you are dreaming, and while doing so realize that in the dream you are wondering why she and I are having this conversation.  I don’t know at what point I finally began to notice my surroundings and there was this overwhelming sense of sadness and fear.  The walls were cracked.  There was a layer of dust on everything.  The furniture was run down.  She went to her table and gave me some paperwork and said, “I want you to have this.  To have something.”  She smiled and I was so confused.  I realize that what she is handing me is the paperwork for the house!

Why would you offer your house to someone without explanation?

When I woke up I sat there for a minute at the edge of the bed.  Puzzled.  Somewhere deep inside me, though, knew what this dream was really about.

A home is your stability.  When I got that call, my world had a wake up call.  I am at that point where I know I have to do something other than just settle for my jobs.  It’s time to fight.  It’s time to do as the old showbiz saying goes “Make your own work.”

I have put some ideas on paper and am in the process of figuring out the logistics of how I would work each piece.  So I as I start piecing things together, I am trying to also include the people that I think would suit each project.  You see, I don’t want to just make my own work.  I want to make work that I can do with my friends.

So the research begins.  And I haven’t forgotten that I want to produce a full fledged production of “The Killing Jar.”

I know, I know.  You are probably scratching your head saying “how the hell is there time to do this as well as finish the last three shows I’ve committed to?”  This is where collaborations are going to come in handy.

I have my foundation.  Now it’s time to begin building my “house.”