I don’t know how to “rest.”
Actually, I’ll be honest. I don’t like to do it. I know that it’s important to healing and your overall well being. Sometimes, though I feel like it’s a type of laziness. I like to say, “I’ll sleep when I am dead” or sing♬I’ve got a lot of living to doooo…♫ I feel like life is all about experiencing things and creating things, even if you don’t share them. It’s those things that make you a better person than when you woke up that day. Spreading love and joy is just all part of the fun. I don’t want to be the person that says, I wanna do everything, but I’m too tired to do anything. SOOOO ♬I take a deep breath and I stick out my chest and I’m off the the races again.♫ I’m a strong willed person and I (this is going to sound terrible) feel like the way my parent disciplined me built up my tolerance for pain/uncomfortability ( I know it’s not a real word, but it’s out there now!) So what’s some minor thing like “tired” compared to seeing something new? I’ll take the new any day!
I’ve written about my father in the past, first in an attempt to purge and now to compare this nearly absent parental influence that clings to me. My dad currently stands under 4 feet tall and weights about 130 pounds. He used to be just slightly shorter than me (5’6″) and have a stockier build from being a mover. I can remember a day, when I was around 14, that one of his friends joked that my dad was now the shortest person in the room because I was taller than him. With a laugh, he gives me a small shove. I have done that shove to so many people that I carry in my heart. So if you get one, it’s all about love.
I feel like I am watching him waste away. My mother is already making “preparations” just in case. The thing about my dad is that this whole mess would have been avoided if he had just heeded what the doctor said. ”After your physical therapy, rest up and don’t strain yourself.” Pretty simple stuff. He had something happen to his back that has just created this snowball effect of rapidly declining health. And like I said, if he would have just rested like he was supposed to, all would be not as bad.
Now, as I was shuffling about in my house while I was feeling like I just wanted to die from this infection or virus, I realized that I was making the same noises that my dad was making on my last visit with him. I always knew it was going to happen one day! ;-) Finally I was forced to rest. My body shut down so bad that even the saliva that I was generating didn’t want to stay in my body. I went to the ER and I even heaved up the saline that they put in my via IV. I think all my muscles have tensed up a billion times in the last 8 days. My kidneys were/are sore. Even now my shoulders and arms feel slightly numb, as though they are just completing the “pins and needles” stage of being asleep. My skin feels like an alligator and my face is peeling like I’ve got a sunburn. When I could sleep, it wasn’t for very long. I think my max was 3 hours. I would go from being in bed to lying on the chaise in the living room or right on the floor near the TV. And always so cold.
Now, I have used the excuse, “I’m tired so I think I’ll just stay home.” It’s not really the case. I may have had an anxiety attack but I am never really tired. Out of breath, maybe, but never tired and if you hear me say that, I give you permission to slap me in the mush. But this offer is not backdated. Hahaha!
So bummed because I had a review for San Jose Rep’s God of Carnage scheduled for the podcast, and tomorrow is the last day to see it (Do see it!! It’s hilarious!!) . But as you can see I’ve been put behind schedule. Booo!! Stupid virus. I hate you!
Thank you to all the wonderful people for the well wishes on Facebook and Twitter. If you think I am going to rest now, well…let’s just say I won’t not consider it.
I wish you all amazing health!!!